Go Loco with Roco

BYE BLOGGER

2009-08-31T21:09:00.002+08:00

Good Bye Blogger.

I'm changing blogs. Please Link my new blog.

Here

Something Wrong

2009-07-31T22:47:00.003+08:00

Something is wrong with my blog. Its not giving me options to change the color. Stupid Blogger, I want to change my blog. And maybe I will. Soon.

Yesterday something happened to one of my superiors in camp. His father passed away at about 11pm last night. The next day people were talking about it in hushed whispers and everyone was sympathetic. What I saw was people readily coming forth to the other superiors, asking who to pass the condolence money to. It made me think that if you are a good person, people will notice, people will respect you and admire you. There's really no plus point in being a mean person. Usually I see condolence money in the form of fives and twos, but this time it came in forms of tens and twenties, no less. Everybody liked him and nobody was unwilling to part with their money to help him, definitely a sight to see. It makes me wonder will people do the same for me when I need help? I think I'm quite a nice person, I think. lol.

I'm going terribly broke this month, but all is worth it if I'm spending on stuff I absolutely love. I just bought 2 more body butters, bringing the grand total to 13. Wow...I'm a total addict. Let's see...I have Satsuma, Mango, Lemon&Honey, Pomegranate, Passion Fruit, Strawberry, Raspberry, Plum, Wild Cherry, Papaya, Cocoa, Grapefruit and Peach. Phew...that's a lot.

Good Days

2009-07-12T23:30:00.002+08:00

YAY I got Peggy Hsu's latest album. I just love her style, I will be writing another accordion based song since I realized I do in fact have an instrument that sounds like an accordion lol.

I tried the Erhu at Jingyi's house and I tried to play ShanGe with it, OMG ORGASMIC SOUNDS. My ears came like a thousand times. Someone get me an Erhu NOW. I believe an Erhu is more affordable than a cello? Not sure...enlighten me music bbs.

Recently more and more people are asking me why am I still single? I told them a couple of things; I'm not really out there, as in knowing more people and sometimes I just want to avoid the sound of disappoint, being a poor man's choice. It would be nice though, it would.

I don't want to be broke, but I want to have fun too. How? Its so ironic.

Last message, since I won't be seeing you in a while. To Mr. CK, I hope your dearest is well. Mine is not here already, but I can tell you are very close to her. I hope for the best for you.

CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT MP. Avier send me lyrics soon k? I wanna see! ~excited~

Sick

2009-07-01T15:43:00.002+08:00

Terribly sick...

While in the holding ward, I wonder how it would be if I really had H1N1? Anyways, I feel like utter crap, my whole room is spinning.

MC for 3 days, not a bad trade right? Just in time for the weekend! Only god knows that this is some kind of elaborate plan of making me stay away from camp. THANK YOU. I'm doing a little better than before, but at the same time, with every peace of mind a thunderstorm comes and blow it all away. You see, in my workplace, there is this delicate balance of looking busy and actually being busy. I guess I haven't grasp the concept of it yet.

I haven't done some drawing in a while, cya later~

Stressed

2009-06-12T23:25:00.002+08:00

My friends in camp say I look and behave more stressed than usual. Am I? I don't really feel it, but I do feel more frustrated and agitated now then before, maybe that's just a sign of stress and I just wouldn't acknowledge it. It came to the point where I was sleepwalking twice within a month. That's like scary, I stopped sleepwalking at secondary school, now its happening again? Here's how it went...

I was dreaming about work (probably, coz I can't remember anything) and then I suddenly woke up and went to my mom's room, hugging a pillow and groggily muttering something about, "cannot sleep coz they will be calling". I am really starting to feel the fear of seeing keys and hearing phonerings. It has started to alert my senses more than usual, but not to the point of calling it a phobia.

I hope things get better soon.

pissed.

2009-06-09T21:52:00.002+08:00

Recently people have been commenting about my short temper. I admit, I tend to overreact over the smallest things when under stress. Mind you, doesn't mean its a desk job means I'm stress-free. But then again, this anger is not directed at anybody, its just me unleashing my frustration, never meant to hurt anyone. I made sure of that. If you get irritated by it, well...all I can say is that you haven't known me enough. And you thought I was going to apologize, heh.

That being said, I will go on to more important matters, like writing songs. This is purely for my own pure noting, you can skip if its tl;dr.

1. Mo Sheng Ren: I think I'm not going to continue this until I repair my broken Shamisen. My poor Shamisen ;_;

2. Tree in Lake (working title): Its more or less structured well already, I'm just a little lazy to finish it.

3. Clown Song: I just created a crazy sick intro WOOT. This sounds promising. Sometimes the best melodies come out of spontaneity.

4. Celtic Song: I'm still researching on the scales and shit, so it might take awhile.

I NEED TO HAVE A SONG NEXT MP.

Its ok to be me

2009-06-07T23:10:00.003+08:00

From tomorrow onwards, I shall be less whiny. I shall be less angry and I shall complain less. I shall not demand a lot from anyone and shall not insist I do certain stuff. Because apparently SOMEONE thinks its annoying and I should stop it.

You know what? FUCK YOU.

I just cannot stand people saying shit like "You're such a *insert insult here*." Oh sure, like you aren't the 3735737 things that you are. I do implore you to do some in-depth research about yourself and see whether its really a good idea to spout something like that when you are not aware of your own faults. I am indeed okay with people with faults, I mean, faults are what makes us human. What I cannot stand is people who don't recognize their faults and direct their preaching to me to ensure I stay WELL within the social norm.

I know I'm not normal by any screwed up social standard, I have come to terms with it that it is indeed a fact that I am this way. Just like what a certain fat person told me about her experience of someone saying to her; "You don't like people saying you are fat, but isn't it the truth? So what are you so angry about?"

I find that totally true. I used to be so upset at people calling me names, even going to the toilet to cry by myself. It was stupid of me coz deep down inside, I know what they said was true. More and more I have come to terms with it and amusing, people that try to bring me down only resort to this "weakness" of mine. Pssh, like I never heard it before. I could name 10 other things about you that you don't even know about yourself.

WHICH brings me back to my topic. I do implore this fucked up individual to please do some soul-searching and reflect on the reason why we never talked for one year. It reflects really badly on you coz now I'm not the only one that sees you through.

Yay

2009-05-25T21:50:00.002+08:00

I went to the Distant Worlds concert on Friday, it was of course, nothing short of awesome. Although I was slightly disappointed at the same repertoire of songs, some of the tracks did surprise me. Like Fisherman's Horizon, it was a chorus! OMG! It was quite awesome. The rest were okay...in fact going with my friends made the experience even more worthwhile. I think we were the noisiest of our area. And YES! I got meself an autograph wahahaha! My balls went KABOW when I saw the dearest Nobuo Uematsu-sama in person. This...may be the only chance I get to see him. Yes, it is a day to remember indeed.

On another note, I passed the first stage of my Japanese class. The foundation they give you is insane. Its so useful, I'm very confident that if I go for the exam once I finish Intermidiate, I will definitely score better than the last time I went, which was filled with "omg TIKAM LA". Plus, Yee Hong, my BMT mate, is going with me. Woot~

Recent events have made me angry at some people for not having as much faith as they should be at themselves. If you love each other, it doesn't matter what people say, because in the end its about your life and only you can imagine how strong that love is. The question is; How much are you willing to hurt/sacrifice yourself, or rather, what is your hurt threshold? What I cannot stand the most is some kaypoh "advising" based on resolute answers. "DO THIS" or "DON'T DO THIS", this is borderline manipulation. That's why when I advise people, I try very hard not to give resolute advice, it just mindfucks the person.

Take me away

2009-05-11T12:33:00.002+08:00

How I wish some random Guitarist would just come up to me and say: "I want you to tour with me." and just drag me along for this world tour, without a care in the world, living with only what we can get by. HAHA random, I know, but don't you love the intimate session between the audience and a acoustic performance? Its just too good...too bad I can't do it, for many many different reasons.

I can't wait to go back to composing music again.

Dreams

2009-05-05T22:20:00.003+08:00

Time has finally come to a regular pace for me, thank god! I have become used to the hustle and bustle of my division, bless them for giving such a post. I think, in two more lessons, I would be finished with my first Japanese course and shall not make the same mistake of scheduling it in Wednesday LOL, that way I can finally my dearly missed peeps at SCC. I want to go back and find the same atmosphere, welcoming, accepting. I really hope. I really do.

My father asked me why not put the classes during weekends. Like hell no, weekends at this point of time in my life is absolutely essential to me. Without it, I would be a social outcast. I already having problems scheduling my time between my major cliques being my gamer girlfriends (Clara, Eileen & Nazira), my SCC peeps (which may or may not include avier & meihar, of which I treat as a totally different category), my crazy poly friends, whom until now I have not met up with them since THAT painful incident LOL and finally ATT25. I insist on fixing this part of my life. That being said, I have two major events coming up. *mental note*

I know I've been talking about this in my blog for years on end ever since the beginning, but people around me change. They actually can find THAT extra happiness, people who I least expect themselves to become attached ARE attached. That is heartwarming and saddening and angry at the same time. Heartwarming coz I am truly happy for them coz they have been waiting a long time for it. Saddening coz...well, yea it spells itself out. Angry coz some people have been emotional about getting attached and act all "im so pityful come comfort me" and suddenly when they are attached I see that part TOTALLY disappear. Were you genuinely sad or were you trying to get attention? Oh doesn't matter anymore I guess, I think I admit I'm a little jealous.

And don't say "You'll find it", I don't believe in bullshit like that. You say that coz you're already happy. You found it, of course you'll think it will happen. Bleh I'm being a total bitch now.

That because...I had the most saddest dream last night. Not because I was sad in my dream, rather...I dreamt I was happy. Like really happy, only to wake up feeling like shit 2am in the morning finding out...none of it was true.

updates~

2009-04-13T18:25:00.004+08:00

Hmm...Nothing much to update. I still bloody hate my workplace to pieces and I'm still thinking in novel format.

Oh yes, I finally can play *politically correct term of obtaining data from friendly sources* Wii games! AWESOMENESS. I just *politically correct term of obtaining data from friendly sources* this Naruto fighting game and Capcom VS Tatsunoko, though I don't watch Naruto, I play it because I CAN. Now bite me.

Surprisingly after two sessions of my Japanese lessons, I got back like 70% of what I learnt the last time I studied. I am quite confident in this school that it would bring me to JLPT2, I just honestly hope that I can cope with it. Army is never fun, not when you need to stay in at unexpected weeks, thank god for makeup lessons. Ivy is also trying to learn Japanese, which means I have a study partner wahaha.

I'm currently SO caught up in WoW, I'm honestly losing 60% of my social life, just thinking about it, even when I'm outside. Then again, I don't know why I'm so angry my partner is not playing. It's not like I'm in a rush, its just that money is involved.

Tata! I need to do a long due project for huiyi.

Procrastor

2009-04-05T14:39:00.003+08:00

Hi, my name is Procrastor.

Nothing much recently, other than the exponential rate of me hating my workplace, everything else seems so far. I hardly enjoy myself anymore because I know when Monday comes, its back to the Hellhole. I'm reading a lot recently, I might try to start writing again. Its so weird and quirky that now I even begin to think in a novel format, its laughable really. I'll give you an example.

A few days ago, I was going to be scolded by my superior. So I was told to go to his office. As I walked there, I just began to think to myself.

"So this is it. My hands sweaty, my mind racing, it was impossible to gauge the consequences that I might face. But I still went, pretending everything was going to be fine & dandy. That was my way of telling the other side of me, my realistic side, that I was scared shitless."

LOL...or something like that. I don't particularly remember the exact words I thought out, but I guess thats what novels do to your brain.

DEAD

2009-03-29T14:19:00.001+08:00

This blog is dead because its owner is dead, life sucked from the very essence of his...ok you get the point.

I hate writing short entries.

Avier stayed over at my house again yesterday and it was the same old same old, filled with laughter and pokes at her valley of goddesses. I still havent found a reason to like my current workplace, it is still mighty dead to me. People are very important in the work environment you are in. No matter how dead or boring the work might be, so long as the people are fun-loving then all is well. Hell, the work here is boring and the people are as dead as the mosquito I just sat on. I cannot believe I finished 2 books within two days. yeah, its THAT boring. So I went and bought another 2 more books. How am I possibly going to last another 23625656256days? Its not possible.

Ok I just bought Memoirs of a Geisha and shall go and watch it now. Ciao.

BORED

2009-03-23T22:12:00.001+08:00

I life is so bad now, people are so rigid and stiff. I hate the atmosphere there, its so still, its dead. Stilldeath, thats what it is.

I need FRIDAY NOW.

OMG

2009-03-16T19:53:00.003+08:00

Omg I needs to buys lots and lots of CDs! There are so many new CDs coming out right now! KOKIA, Utada Hikaru, Alan, Kelly Clarkson, India.Arie...ARGH I'm going to be broke again.

Its funny sometimes how some songs can so accurately describe how you are feeling at that exact moment, its almost creepy. I just sat down alone in the room and this song just came up in my handphone.

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hold you
Now I can't stop

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry
Started with a perfect kiss
Then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone

I hope it never happens, but when it does and when I tell you the truth, I pray and hope this song doesn't play in my head. I feel like I cheated so many months out of you. I could never forgive myself for that, but neither can I regret that it has happen, only to move on. Maybe you won't think its a big deal, but I know in my heart I know I shouldn't have started anything with you.

All I can say, it was the most perfect mistake I ever made.

I can't believe I'm losing sleep again, after so many months...

Hmm

2009-03-10T19:58:00.002+08:00

Hmm...so it has come again. For what seemed like a time that would never happen again. I fear the worst. There is so much unexplained tension, so much undue pressure to individuals it has changed them completely over such a short period of time.

What has happened? Why can't we be like before? Was it so hard to keep the balance, the peace that made everyone happy? I just don't understand why is there any difficulty is doing that. Now it seems every step, every action done must have a purpose, must have a hidden meaning behind and by executing it, means a certain change in favor.

I don't have a say in a lot of things anymore, but I do insist things have changed.

I just want to see how long it can last.

OMG

2009-02-26T19:43:00.002+08:00

I'm so disappointed with myself. I haven't been learning my Japanese for a long time and I totally flunked the entrance test. But...I'm determined to restart my foundation and attain a proper cert for it since the one I got before was just a lucky chance for me. I guess I went a little ahead of myself.

GANBARUYO!

I might be taking some music lessons at the same time too...let's see how it goes. I definitely cannot waste my time in Army.

2009-02-10T18:20:00.002+08:00

See what I have there? Woot! It was grueling, it was challenging but I finally came out tops and finally have a YELLOW PSP WOOT. Though...during the process of changing the housing, I broke the connection between the UMD and the motherboard. I will repair it soon lol.

I believe once I'm finished with my course my stress level will tone down a little, that's when I will start going for my driving and japanese courses. I need them both. HOORAH~

Just a kid

2009-02-09T20:56:00.002+08:00

The more i'm away from you, the more i feel...

You're just a kid. What can I ever possibly get from you? I realize I was only wasting my time, thinking that maybe somehow there could be something out of this mayhem that we were in. But I soon woke up from my naive dream and saw through you. You're just a kid, you don't really know how to control or accept your feelings. You don't even think about others.

The more I'm away from you, the more I think I can live without you.

Yeah, I may sound like a pompous freak, but if you were in my position, you would know.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Extremely stressed over stupid concert and competition stuff, plus the upcoming concert which surprisingly, I am totally not looking forward to. After all, I'm just a dumb alumni. Dumb? Yeah...for a couple of reasons I'm dumb. I really shouldn't be complaining but being in camp all day doing nothing drains your life away, like 4real4real.

OMG

2009-02-06T23:51:00.002+08:00

After looking at past pictures posted by some asses in facebook, I realized I was fucking ugly. I stress on the "ugly" part because I did not know what in the buffalo's decayed toenails I was thinking when I decided to just let my hair grow. Like people around me weren't even making any noise at all that my hair was in a total and complete utter disaster. I looked like colourful crap, and that's not a compliment. And OH GOD MY DRESSING. I blame it on my mom who let me out of the house in THAT. Omg, you people are sick hypocrites, letting me walk in that. I HATE YOU PEOPLE.

Kidding.

Anyways, I promised that my T-shirts are coming and...DUMDUMDUM they are here~! I'm quite disappointed coz they didn't print it large enough so now its like a huge T-shirt with a tiny pic in the middle. There are actually two batches coming, so I'm hoping for a better result for the next one. I hope I can at least self-sustain myself with this little venture of mine. Please support me when the time comes!

Thursday, 5th of Feb, will be a day I will never forget coz I FINALLY DID IT WOOT~! Ok, this is only known between my awesome friends, I'm not going to tell the rest of you coz its kinda private. (PUN~!) But that doesn't mean (I stress again & again) that you are not an awesome friend.

Anger

2009-02-01T23:23:00.002+08:00

I am quite angry and vexed right now. I don't know why am I so angry over such a thing. Is it because they have no consideration whatsoever for my own life & schedules? Or how I leave everything undone while I go ahead and do what I want?

I have stuff piling up in camp, being post-CNY, everything is snowballing very very soon. I never liked working in groups, because its when you see the bad side of everyone. Ok enough about that, I might get charged if I elaborate.

I still have a birthday present I have yet to finish which is like 1 month due and I'm not happy with myself for not finishing it sooner.

I have yet to *** myself, which is killing my braincells just thinking about it. I need to get it done THIS WEEK. For those that know, please remind me.

My mom is pushing me for more designs coz the T-shirts are coming in around these few weeks. I'm excited at the same time I have better things to do.

Maybe I'm too anxious, what I need to do is tackle them one thing at a time, then maybe I won't be so angry over people breathing down my neck over some screwed up deadline. I have a life and I have things to do. Don't make me prioritize your needs over mine.

What ever happened?

2009-01-29T22:53:00.002+08:00

What ever Happened?

I came back, unchanged. I'm so disappointed and sad now. WHY NOT TODAY??!! I swear, next week I'm going to do it, no matter how they may strut their diva faces infront of me.

NADZ! CANDY! ILYANA!

(ok, I'm kinda lazy to blog right now. But tl;dr I'm fking disappointed)

Sad

2009-01-27T00:02:00.001+08:00

My AngPao money got kept from me. 'nuff said. Now Pissed. Nothing happy about Chinese New Year.

Now off to emo. Don't ask me out shopping.

On another note, I'm thinking of setting up a blog of sorts to catalogue my products? Should I use Livejournal or Wordpress?

Splurge

2009-01-25T01:34:00.002+08:00

Omg I just spent so much on CDs, first time I bought so many at one go. I bought:

Crystal Kay's Crystal Style: Great album, I was thinking about buying it for a long time, despite it being a very old album. It has awesome songs, as usual, expected from Crystal. The only album that probably bored me was the first album I bought from her, which was quite recent, surprisingly.

Lady Gaga's The Fame: I totally bought this on impulse. Meihar was humming it to me and I totally love Just Dance, so I thought "Hey why not?" And just bought it. Its quite good for random listening lol.

Fall Out Boy's Folie A Deux: I always buy Fall Out Boy's albums. This is no exception. From what I'm hearing, every song seems like a gem but I'm always too tired to properly listen to them track by track. Soon though, soon.

Khalil Fong's Orange Moon: Wow, the first song is already a classic. It is nothing short of another masterpiece. I am actually quite ashamed to know that this was released a month ago. I WAS LATE. And I call myself a diehard fan. Well, better late than never.

This year's Chinese New Year shopping was actually more productive than last year's coz I actually bought stuff that my parents approved. Lol last year I just bought T-shirts and they got so angry with me. "You are supposed to look smart!" Like ~ok~ whatever.

Happy Chinese New Year everyone!

Looking forward to Thursday, day out with the crazy egyptian princess!

Sudden Craving

2009-01-20T22:04:00.002+08:00

I have a total closet obsession with Eurobeat songs, especially the ones from Parapara 2nd Mix. It just bring back memories of my early secondary school days, secretly bringing home clothes in my bag and changing later to go Jurong Point to play Parapara. Ahh...good times indeed. I still play it from time to time though, I always wondered why they never did release a third mix.

I still remember buying the Parapara VCDs to go learn the steps myself. It was the in thing then, and I admit, I was quite good at it. Now I almost completely forgot most of them, save for the ones that are still in the game. It good aerobics, I tell you.

One of my armymates told me that arcades are for kiddies. I fricking disagree, like what's wrong with having a little fun? People keep telling me its a waste of money, oh yeah, like buying branded stuff, expensive clothes, splurging on food, isn't? As I expected, he was soon surfing the web looking for a Gucci bag to buy.

Life is draining away from me everyday I'm at that place I so fondly call Hellhole ver.2.0
Someone help me.

Back in time.

2009-01-15T20:43:00.002+08:00

My mom is finally back from the Phillipines, back with some nicey newsies! She spoke to some people over there, some T-shirt printers and she got a quotation price. You see, I sent some...ok ALL of my designs over to her to have them to be tested out on T-shirts. She got quite a nice price but she couldn't bring them back since they are still printing. They'll probably...(I'll go ask her now)...AT FEBUARY. Omg, I can't wait! LOL.

To finally see your stuff printed onto such an exciting medium is such an awesome feeling. I feel I must start designing again. If it really does start off as a small business, I hope you guys can support me! I'll give my tomodachies super discounts lol.

I need chocolate now.

KOKIA

2009-01-08T23:18:00.002+08:00

I just made an amazing discovery today. I found a very very very good singer. Her name is KOKIA. At first, I did have a song of her from WAY back, 1998, from a game which I enjoy playing a lot. It had a certain pan-asian feel to it? I love these kind of songs but I would always get frustrated figuring out the chords for it. Amazing songs never let you get their chords so easily. And out of boredom, I checked her out in YouTube and I was pleasantly surprised by most of her songs, she is really good. Okay, maybe the bulk of you won't appreciate her, she's not pretty and her songs are pretty awkward, I must say. But I consider her a gem.

Speechless now...whoo~!

I might consider getting one of her albums soon...as soon as I find which album has the song I like.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T01:09:00.002+08:00

ZOMG HAPPY NEW YEAR. Unknowingly, when my father drove me and my cousin's family back home, I saw a cat on the street and starting shouting "KITTY KITTY~! WOHOO~!" My father thought I was drunk, but no. I'm not, unfortunately.

This year...wow. This year has been a life-changing year, definitely on par with the year before. Rather, I'd like to clump up these two years together and say that these two years have been the best two years of my life. I met and grew stronger with so many people, new and old, I feel some kind of release and other kinds of binding. Sure this year's celebration was as boring as HELL, but what counts is what you make it up to be. In the end, only you can make it eventful.

Nothing exceptional bad happened this year, though some things I find it hard to get rid of. I really hope 2009 will be another good year for me, though I can't feel it now, I want to starting hoping for things again. That reminds me...there are some things I haven't bought yet. If you have extra money, please do consider buying them, I KID I KID.

1. NUM Black/Yellow slippers. Yes, I do go to NUM. And no, I don't buy their retarded singlets.

2. Tokidoki Onizuka Tiger shoes. These are the most awesome pair of shiz I've seen. I must get them.

3. A new Tablet. Yes, I do need a new one, mine is beyond any sort of presentable usage.

4. Wax. I need to wax. JEDIDIAH YOU LIAR RAWR~~~

study

2008-12-30T21:50:00.001+08:00

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I need to go shopping, or rather go out, so badly.

Whut?

2008-12-29T19:24:00.002+08:00

There seems to be some kind of hidden stress that is pinning me down, making me anxious and flustered without any reason. Sometimes I feel so unsettled and uncomfortable it makes me want to bite something. Perhaps its my new vocation, being super classified, I can't tell you how shitty it is. Oh wait, I just did.

It has been far too long since I had any one-on-one talk with anyone. I did however, felt better when I told Avier some stuffs and I'm actually quite proud of myself that I could pluck enough courage to do it, or rather, not feel anything anymore. I said this before but somehow many recent things in life have changed me inside out, I think I'm beginning to pamper and cherish myself more. No more torturing myself. It feels good to tell someone troubles that you can't tell anyone else.

OMG I must get that album from Crystal Kay. Recently I am totally devoid of music and I am getting cranky. Dissidia's OST didn't really got me hooked and I'm starving for new material. However, it did provide me with a new inspiration for a new song. It's something I've never done before, perhaps not a lot of people will like it, but its not for them to judge it anyways lol.

I haven't drank in quite a while. I want to drink a let loose again, I was hoping I could do it on New Year's Eve, but its better for me to spend it with my family? I'm not really sure. You guys got any plans?

Christmas Blues

2008-12-25T15:43:00.001+08:00

Fancy getting sick on Christmas Eve. Well...life's a bitch.

Merry Christmas Y'all!

Friends

2008-12-15T03:36:00.003+08:00

Its 3.30am in the morning and I'm blogging out of boredom. In my room are two girls...ok let's not go there. *DP face*

The night before Steve went to my house and stayed over for a little while...ok maybe not a little while, he went back at 6am. It seems like Steve has an incredible amount of stamina in the wee hours of the night, its almost like he's a vampire. omgzohnoes is he like the guy from Twilight omgzohnoes *fan selfs*. I'm afraid not girls. I really have no idea whats with the hype of that movie. The guy is not that hot, tbh. Anyways, being totally devoid of any masculine pastimes, little old me just got a little crash course on DOTA playing by Steve. I still have no idea how to play it, though I'm enjoying that Medusa Hero. Someone teach me properly pls.

Today Meihar and Avier stayed over. I had the most excruciating time teaching poor rhythm-impaired Meihar how to play WangJi, the song that I passed on to her. By the end of the day, she did got it up to a minimum level thank god. We also had a little photoshoot with Meihar as my model. I will be sending her the pics so it will be up to her if she wants to post it up, some of them I'm really proud of. Its a shame that we didn't really prepare enough for it. Avier is the Queen of Makeup LOL.

Christmas is coming soon and again, like most season holidays, makes me think. Really hard. Its really good to spend time with my friends, especially when seasons like this are so close, it makes you appreciate them more in your life. I will be really busy really soon, being posted to my unit in exactly a week from now, so I won't be able to see them as much as I want to. Sometimes I'm afraid to lose them by this inevitable distance, so unconsciously I try to oh so hard to find time for them. I still haven't gone out with Nadz & Co. OMGOHNOES.

As for my bunkmates, I don't know. Nobody's really talking with each other. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to do nothing about it. Imma find a way...somehow.

Nothingness

2008-12-11T00:03:00.003+08:00

What is this post about? Absolutely nothing!

I'm bored and I have nothing to do. So yeah...

I just meself a Wii, how awesome is that? But I also just realized that Wii doesn't have many games that you can play alone and still be entertained, save for a couple of games, the whole console is practically a party accessory. The whole "swing it left, it swings left" still amazes me.

I am totally losing touch with my piano and especially my shamisen. I haven't been playing them at all nowadays. I should write a new song soon just for practise sake or else I really might be going senile musical-wise.

And meh...I missed the MDC auditions, I'll let fate decide my vocation now. Boo. Please don't make me a driver, I'm as blur as...blur as...ok I'm just blur.

Remember kids, Pokemon is good but please don't spam your 5 bucks every single time you see a Comic Connection Branch, or you will end up like me; unsatisfied and broke!

POC

2008-12-07T21:03:00.002+08:00

I finally POC-ed and don't (hopefully) have to go back to the dreaded place ever again. Its 7 weeks, but it was 7 weeks of drastic changes in me. It made me somewhat...hardened? I don't exactly know what happened to me, I just know that I have changed in a way that I can't return back anymore. Army does things to people.

I'm not a hard person to please. So long as I know you are trying, I'm happy enough. No need to go through lengths to do anything for me. Maybe that's my weakness too.

It's time I realized and understand that, I do deserve better.

On a lighter note, I think I have become more vulgar and horny. ZOMG. Help me and cleanse me!!!!!!!

what

2008-11-23T00:52:00.003+08:00

Havent blogged in ages, I can't seem to type anymore. Lost touch with most of reality, the synapse between my real world and the world i live in is getting bigger and bigger. I don't feel anything anymore? Why?

Luckily...the worst of it has gone and now and I can relax a little. Everything seems like its going to return back to normal, though of course some things can't go back the way they were. Nowadays all I think about is having a good sleep. I haven't seen like 90% of my friends for a long time. I don't know if they miss me or whatever, the whole problem is I don't really care coz all I care...is having a good night's rest. Am I losing my humanity? Probably.

I made a little group of friends inside. But...I don't know what to expect from here. I really don't know.

I lost touch with so many things.

Including you. I don't really miss you anymore. I stopped thinking about you. I feel like I should...but I know I deserve better. I know I deserve to have someone who loves me back, not stuck with something impossible forever.

Back bad Birthday

2008-11-09T14:28:00.002+08:00

I'm back~

At least till tonight. Today, being my birthday, I splurged myself yesterday on things I wanted to buy for a long time. I bought an awesome uber coolness Draenei figure. Which brings me to the point that I might be going back to WoW again since one of my bunkmates is playing it. Just maybe...if I have the time to play. But I went and bought myself a pair of awesome shoes, much to my father's persuasion to buy it for me. But in the end I bought it for myself coz I want him to buy me something much more expensive LOL.

Cool anot? Cool right? I'm like numb with coolness now. Imma post it up on poupee if I have the time.

Time to go back to camp. I have shitty birthdays.

Final

2008-10-23T22:12:00.002+08:00

This will be my final post in a long while, since I expect them to prevent me from blogging of any sort of the happenings inside. I just feel like posting one picture. Oh yeah...

To the person who gave it to me. Wah! Damn frangrant I almost choked on the smell when I put it in my mouth lol.

This is ikana, signing off~

Touched

2008-10-23T01:46:00.002+08:00

Today, unexpectedly, has been a good day. Quite a lot of touching things happen today. Some a bit too mushy to type it down, even in a blog!

It was the usual visit to SCC clubhouse, which happens to be my last activity before I enlist. I didn't expect them to celebrate my birthday coz Steve's birthday was nearer and made more sense to celebrate his birthday instead. I was totally caught off guard but their surprise. I kept chanting, "Still early lah! Still early lah!" Because it really IS still too early to celebrate my birthday. But I'm truly touched. If I would cry, I would have have cried buckets but I'm not that kind of person. I was quite speechless, Thanks to everyone!

Omg I just did a thank you entry the other day and here I am doing another one lol. Thanks to Huihui who organized the surprise, it really WAS a surprise lol. Thank you to Cassandra for the present, I'll open it when the time comes lol. And Thank You to Gary for buying that fragrant Banana Cake, which was bought for the weirdest reasons lol.

I finally realize some people are just not good at showing their emotions and although I can't feel it sometimes, I just have to have faith that yes, you really do care. 不能想太多，相信你们会想我！I was a little disappointed someone never come today, but its ok, you definitely have your reasons!

Its good to know you are so loved within your group of friends. It feels really good.

Dreams

2008-10-22T13:51:00.002+08:00

What is this?

I slept at 5am in the morning, only to wake up at 9am BY MISTAKE? Like what the hell, why did I do that for? I wasn't wearing glasses, so I mistook my clock reading as 5.## instead of 9.##. Furthermore, I told myself it was Thursday and I regretted waking up so late. So I rushed to the toilet and ran past my mother's room clock, which briefly showed me as 9.##. Of course I stopped and asked my mother what time it was and embarrassingly, it was still 9am in the morning. lol. So I went back to sleep.

Now its 2pm in the afternoon, expected time to wake up. But I woke up...wanting to cry my heart out. Why...why did I dream such a dream? And within this time period of what...5 hours? Its insanely ridiculous.

I dreamt that a lot of SCC people were at my house having a sleepover. I dreamt of Ken getting frustrated at the girls for not giving him space to sleep, so he asked if he could sleep in my room. Then I asked Qiuyun where were you, she said you went home together with another person, the person I most dreaded you'd be with and you two were sleeping at your house! I know its a dream, but I could feel myself crying in my room alone...and no one cared. I went to the living room and saw Ziqin, she offered to listen to me but all I did was cry. I cried so much that she began to scold me.

That's when I realized. Yes, even in dreams I can begin to realize stuff. I realize that I truly don't have anyone to talk to about my problems. Other problems, yes, I can talk to other people. But when it comes to problems about you, I'm so scared. So scared there's no one for me to share it with. I woke up with a heavy heart. Although I tell myself its ok you go with other people, I really wish sometimes you would know how much it pain it would do to me. But I can't stop you, really.

I don't feel like going anywhere today.

I'm so sorry its another emo post. Its just that I really need to post this dream of mine. I just have to...before I go off.

Shan Ge

2008-10-22T00:04:00.002+08:00

A big Thank You to the following people for helping me perform my song when I'm not around.

Thank You Ben! For helping maintain silence and coming in without any preparation at all.

Thank You Chien Wen! Even though you have no voice already.

Thank You Priscilia! I know the alto part is hard, but sometimes you were able to do it. How was it like to sing chorally again? haha...

Thank You Cheryl! Paiseh ask you impromptu for the interlude, if only I had more time to supervise it.

Thank You Tze Chow! Even though your drums sometimes too loud, you give me the type of rhythm I want.

Thank You Ken! Argh...I always write wrong chords for you. If possible, within this month try soloing k?

Thank You Avier! Thanks for making the lyrics so nice and more importantly, easy for Chien Wen to sing it haha! Doing my songs is never easy...

Lastly, but most importantly...

Thank You Gary! For taking up this conufsing song. I hope this song can make it to concert!

Sorry guys for making songs that don't follow standard chord progressions, I'm just not used to them? Sometimes I get a little restless coz it may seem like you guys don't treat it seriously, but its too much thinking on my part, I believe you guys can do it!

Funny Star

2008-10-19T00:54:00.002+08:00

I love Lena Park's album! Too bad singapore doesn't sell her album, or else I would've bought it! One day I'm going to intro to you all my top ten albums to listen! Digressing...

Today, I'm somewhat relieved and happy. Seems to me you can make it through this situation I have created for you. I still feel bad, but I feel better that you have shown your strength, despite a few breakdowns.

Another thing that I am relieved is what I heard from Guolong about NS. Honestly, the only thing I am scared of is being the centre of attraction. I really really don't mind all the hardship and stuff, I just don't want to be the only one going through it. Well, I will keep telling myself that its only 7 weeks and I can make it through.

Mommy constantly makes me Gin Tonic to make me sleep better, which is kinda cool. Yeah, I know a lot of people have been asking me to cut down on alcohol. I will do that because I am honestly ashamed and scared of myself when I get drunk. I will probably refrain from doing it for at least another half a year. I realize I actually can't take too much alcohol as I used too...getting old I guess?

I've been trying to improve my Shamisen...but its improving at such a slow rate. I hope I can compose a song with it when I am finally proficient at it coz it will be so cool. I will be like the only person in singapore good at the shamisen! Such elusiveness! I'm going to be special after all! LOL.

Everyday Prayer

2008-10-17T23:55:00.002+08:00

Well it always comes to this,
so busy living life,
I become the god of my own storylines;
and with excuse after excuse
about having no time for You,
I run round in circles til I stop for breath

I sit down to decide, to plan, regroup, re-strategize,
having forgotten it's no use;
so of this tangled mess of strands that I've made of my life,
let me pick the path that pleases You.

Well it's no wonder that tonight,
like so many nights,
with a vengeance Sister Sleep eludes me still;
trying to be the mastermind,
forgetting there’s a line
between letting and not letting go the wheel

But after all these years You're still here--
I can see You now,
crossing Your arms, shaking Your head,
like a parent to a child
I spy a gentle smile as You
let me pick the path that pleases You

===============================================================

I always listen to that whenever I feel the need to let go of something, be it myself or someone else. I can never figure out the true meaning of the song. In one line it sounds like a song for God, another line sounds like a song about breaking-up and another line sounds like letting go of someone once and for all.

If you were expecting some entry about how I'm dreading the day of enlistment, I'm not. I realized the more I think of it, the more anxious I'm going to become, so I might as well not think about it.

I hate it that I have to celebrate my birthday in camp. No way on earth am I going to let them know about my birthday. When you grow old...birthdays are just like any other day because time does not specially stop for you and you flow within the rivers of time just like anyone else.

In Between

2008-10-16T01:46:00.002+08:00

I don't like this.

I don't like being in the middle of something I shouldn't be. I feel like a double agent, like someone that nobody can trust. I was supposed to be better than this.

Now...I probably lost the trust of you. I can't lose that...
Or maybe...I'm just paranoid. My mouth got the better of me. I seriously thought I was helping lessen the burden, but I blew it to such a proportion.

Maybe its a better thing that I'm going army.

Sorry

2008-10-12T22:43:00.002+08:00

I did loads of terrible stuff in my lifetime, but this really takes the cake.

First of all, I am deeply sorry for those people who initially went out with me to have a good time, ended up dragging your butts off trying to help me. Although it might be the last time before I go to army, but I have no excuse for doing the stuff I did.

I thought I could control myself, I thought I was the one who had the clear head, instead I gave myself up coz I thought it would be the last time. Maybe after this its really the last time...

Woke up with swollen eyes, a still tipsy head and my rheumatism working on my left knee again. This indeed is a big lesson for me.

Chalet and Thoughts.

2008-10-09T16:16:00.003+08:00

Whoo...after a night of sleeping, I am finally awake to blog about SCC Chalet '08. It's not like I wanted to blog about it the next day, its because of my stupid router going bonkers on me. 2WIRE, you are made of one big pile of FAIL.

5/10

Chalet started earlier than most people coz Gary suggested I go to his house before I go for chalet, which is a totally awesome idea. But before that, I went out with Deyan, Yuan Hoe and the super awkward Patrick and his girlfriend out to accompany Deyan buy his army stuff. Like seriously, who brings their girlfriend out with his guy friends? Never mind, Patrick is kinda new at this, if not I will bite off his again. lol. Deyan treated us to coffee bean, YAY thanks Deyan! The thing about my Secondart School friends are that they aren't too bothered on how much you've changed, rather, everything just winds back to the secondary school days, where we were always seeing each other. Even after so long of not seeing each other, it wasn't so hard to click again. I loved it when things about the heart weren't so complicated like now.

After parting my ways with Deyan and co., my father drove me to Gary's house with his SUPER AWESOME UBER GPS system of DEATH. I swear my father buys too much things for his car. Like if anyone touches his car, his nostrils will flare and start to hyperventile. "Who touched my care? *death stare*"

The stay at Gary's house wasn't so eventful, just us (with Ken and Dixon) playing PSP and wasting time away. I'm still pissed at myself for buying a fake-o memory card. Games can buy fake, but hardware, you better jolly well buy the original. Oh yeah, I got scared by Gary's Grandma, lol.

6/10

Actually I forgot on the most part about what happened that day lol. We just settled in the chalet and waited for stuff to happen, which it didn't so we were half bored to death. Ben cooked for us the awesomeness of his version of Hainanese Chicken Rice. Being a Hainanese myself and having eaten this sort of chicken rice almost my whole life, I can say its pretty near the actual one. The rice wasn't too fragant as the actual one though, but the chicken was spot on. After dinner I picked up Avier. She's cheerful as always and slimmed down! Note to everyone: When I miss someone, I don't show it out but I do miss you people. Maybe coz my father used to travel a lot, I didn't see a lot of him when I was growing up. Maybe somehow I became used to it? I don't know honestly.

We were so bored, so we decided to go out to the beach to have a little walk. We sat at the rocks on the beach and started to talk about stuff. I even got lectured a bit. Though I have an absolute mind about it, maybe I'm joking maybe I'm not? Now I'm not even sure about myself. Seems like my goal of getting someone before I go into army is horribly crushed in front of my face. Someday I want to reject someone, I want to break someone's heart, just once maybe. Oh yeah, congrats to my two good friends (you know who you are), be happy!

I got a little tipsy over my Choya and wrestled with Avier. LOL I know she's a bit angry, but LOL I can't believe I did that. And what's with the November 10? My birthday's November 9 and Ben and Dixon heard me saying November 10 in my sleep. The only November 10 I remembered was the birthday of some girl I used to like. Like whatever. Maybe its my death date? Or the date when I finally find someone? Or...when I get a lot of money LOL.

7/10

I didn't get a lot of sleep, but its was enough...somehow. We woke up and went to the foodcourt after much waiting for people. Somebody suggested to go K Box so we did. I'm surpised at the price for K Box, usually its really expensive but now its kinda affordable, so yeah more money for other things. I realized everytime I go K Box I always sing the same old songs. Time to change my repetoire. Some songs really remind me of myself. Initially I was really heartbroken about something, but the aircon at K Box was INSANELY COLD. Sometimes the lack of warmth really makes people numb about their feelings, which is good in a way? LOL.

After that we went back to the chalet and had the BBQ. It was okay as other BBQs are, other than the weird smell the stingray gave. Someone went missing, notty notty boy. I personally think everyone needs some alone time, so maybe its better to leave them alone at a time like this. After the BBQ, mosty of us stayed back to play with Shirlene her murderer game, due to us having nothing else to do plus the fact everyone was ignoring her throughout the chalet. It was fun...for about half an hour. I am a good murderer LOL coz I don't look as scheming as Steve.

Evon stopped by and everyone thought she changed. I didn't think so lol. Anyways I miss her a whole lot and although we don't talk as much as we used to, she just gives me the feeling of us in secondary school days. I miss those times. Ok I'm repeating myself.

I drank my remaining Choya for the rest of the night and I got horribly tipsy. Not drunk, mind you, just terribly tipsy. Which resulted in me asking everyone to slap me. Do not ask me about my habits, I just like getting slapped. Of course not until I bleed, thats like insane. But then again, asking people to slap you isn't so sane lol. Steve and Chien wen were very cute, they kept feeling guilty after they slapped me, but they did it anyways LOL. After some time, I heard some people talking about me and my drinking habits and don't know why I went into emo mode. So I just left the chalet and walked a fair bit to Downtown East myself. None of the people who I thought would call me called me. But I wasn't a nice person that night, so I don't expect much concern. In the end when I returned I didn't dare to face them and slept outside in the living room. I think I need to put some fats into my hips coz they were so painful, sleeping on the floor lol.

Oh I love you Mr. Brown LOL.

8/10

The next morning I was surprised to find my friends talking to me, the friends who I thought were angry at me. Once I read a horoscope book, they said Dragons are people who think too much. Is it my natural character or is it because after I read it then I have become more conscious about it? We left the chalet pretty early and rotted in the arcade for an hour or so, waiting for Seoul Garden to open. Who knew it was already opened =\. Avier you fail! Ben and Winston are so evil! They keep giving me spring onions of strange shapes and saying its some kind of vegetable, much to their amusement. I seriously thought it looked like a mushroom. Damn you two! Now I have become so paranoid about the stuff they give me lol.

When I went home, my internet wasn't working so I was pissed and went to sleep. I dreamt about the most unexpected people in my house watching me play my Shamisen. Mmm...that means I miss my Shamisen a lot. Haha...

Chalet on the whole was better than last year, due to it not being as heartbreaking as last year and me not being as drunk as last year. I used to drink a lot because of that person and I seriously thought I had completely forgotten and given up on drinking as a way to forget about things for awhile. But somehow my habits come back to haunt me...maybe its how chalet works. You always want to be with the person you love, but in the end, they are not there (physically or emotionally). I realized something in the chalet. Maybe I'm being overly paranoid as usual, but this time I have this strong feeling. Again, maybe I'm thinking about stuff a bit too much than I should be. But the paragraph below is for you (you know who you are)

===================================================================

I don't know when did it happen, but you have become my number 1. I know a lot of my friends, after reading this, will feel jealous and sad that I don't put them first, but then again, they don't know how much you mean to me. Sometimes I am so close with my other friends is because I haven't been spending them with them in a really really long time, so I want to spend time with them as much as possible. But you have to remember one thing and that is I put you first. I'm not sure what you think of me, definitely not as much but it doesn't matter coz I can't force people to feel the same way I feel about them. That's why maybe when you are with your number 1s, I take a step back. All I ask is that we will be friends forever.

To the others who read this and feel disappointed in me, don't worry. Even though you are not number 1, you are a close number 2! =)

I don't ask for much.

Whampoa

2008-10-03T22:47:00.003+08:00

Today's the last day of work before army. HOORAY! And......BOO~! The pay only comes after the chalet, which means I can't have my ultra sexy yellow PSP with me in the chalet. It's ok, I can wait. No wait, I can't actually.

On the way home me and Gary hurriedly took Bus 21, which we thought would bring us to Toa Payoh MRT. But no...we didn't realize until halfway through that it brought us to FREAKING WHAMPOA. Like what the hell is a Whampoa? Its sounds something you hit yourself with.

Later I want to Whampoa myself, want join?

Ok no.

Do you know in Whampoa, the bus interchange is not side by side with the MRT station? *gasps* I had a hell of a time getting out of there.

Oh yea! I swear all Taxis in Whampoa all have the tendency to turn left. I got totally insane and started to get the urge to punch the little boy standing in the busstop. I screamed and screamed, much to the amusement of Gary, who was laughing throughout my insane rampage of finding a freaking taxi out of EPIC WHAMPOA. And as soon as I found an empty taxi, it only wanted to go to Tampines. ARGH. If I could help it, I would never go back to that part of Singapore kthxbye.

On a final note...

Welcome to Whampoa.

Whampoa.

Whampoa.

WHAMPOA!

Shopping? Somewhat...

2008-10-01T22:45:00.002+08:00

Went out with Steve today, after a late night session of him at my house, supposedly just him lending my PS2 and leaving, he ended staying at my house till 5. Desperately tired, I went to sleep with thoughts. Thoughts that ever so shook me that afternoon.

I learnt something while I was working these past few days. You cannot mix your personal matters in your work. Its not professional, its not nice to let people you work with see you in such of a state. Its not a good idea to mix love and work either. So much conflicts arise, its just not worth it. As I broke down in the bus on the way to meet my friends after work, I realize you really do need friends in your life to help you forget some other stuff you would rather forget.

Well, this Childrens' Day and Selamat Hari Raya, I bought myself a pair of Geta and finally one proper pair of shorts. Omg I still can't believe I bought myself shorts LOL.

WTF

2008-09-29T20:49:00.002+08:00

YOU WANT A RESPONSE? I'LL GIVE U A RESPONSE.

I DON'T NEED SHIT. I DON'T NEED SHIT LIKE THIS. FROM ANYONE. I HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS ON MY OWN. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO REASON IN THE WORLD ON WHY I SHOULD BE FEELING GUILTY BUT I DO. I FUCKING DO. HAPPY?

Sometimes I care too much about what other people think about me it totally blinds me from the fact that its not me who needs to change, but the people around me. I am being who I want to be and I don't see a reason to change for ANYONE.

OH YEAH IF YOU ONLY KNEW THE TRUTH. THE COLD HARD TRUTH. I'D BET YOU WOULD SMILE. I BET YOU WILL SMILE SO HARD. Seriously I can't take this shit. I'm tired, I'm pissed and I need a shot of vodka to keep me sane.

Some people have it so easy, yet they think they are the suffering the hardest. I don't proclaim myself as one who is suffering a lot, but I do go through enough to know some things aren't just worth getting so emotional for. Do you know I can't even tell this person "I love you" because it would ruin my whole life? Do you know how how hard it feels to talk to yourself becuase NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR? Forgive me, but I believe you have it easy. You have no idea, bud. You have no idea.

I am so glad I have a choice to not EVER EVER see both of your faces again. But I rather not.

------------------------

I don't know why these two things come up at a time when I'm so tired and rest-needy.

YOU TWO. YOU TWO AS ADULTS. BIG FAT FRICKING ADULTS; SHOULD LEARN TO COMMUNICATE. It's so shameful as someone younger like me has to wake both of you up by screaming my head off, only then you will realize you are making a FOOL out of yourselves. I was ready. I was ready to leave, ready to leave and hide away. Praise the lord you two didn't start anything. You want to break up? Ok fine, but don't pull me into this mess you two made coz I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ANYMORE. I used to, but now I am old enough to know what is worth hanging on to and what needs to be left alone. If it comes, it comes, I'm ready for it. I think.

Sorry guys, you have to see this. I never been a person to speak out my mind when needed, but when I do, I hurt people. I need a drink. Now.

Work again

2008-09-27T23:42:00.002+08:00

Throbbing headache now. Work has been quite slack-filled, but still I feel very fatigued by the immense amount of time put into this. I have good workmates, so its ok I guess.

I feel so guilty for hogging someone sometimes. Its not really on purpose, I just happen to click with people who are subject of interests of other guys? Its not the first time and I expect this won't be the last time either. I don't want people to hate me D:

I don't know why so many people want to know who I like. For the sake of our friendship, stop asking. I don't mean to be rude, nor do I mean to push you out of my trust for you, some things I just can't say. It would ruin a lot of things between my relationships of my friends and its not worth knowing. I'm really sorry, but please don't ask me anymore, not unless I'm dying or I'm writing a suicide note. Believe it or not, you guys mean a lot to me and I don't ever want to change that. I shall stop here.

My shamisen isn't improving...its like at a standstill. I need to practise more. Mom bought me some finger protectors, awesome.

Shamisen Madness

2008-09-21T00:41:00.003+08:00

Excitement fills the inner depths of my soul right now~ In short, OMGIMSOEXCITED.

This morning I was still sleeping, I heard my mom talk to my father about breakfast and the usual stuff. Shortly after I drifted back to sleep, someone knocked on the door and my mother screamed. "DELIVERY FOR YOU" My mind went blank and I ran to the door, flattening my hair in the process while wearing my specs. It couldn't be, it just couldn't be. It was due in a week...how come? HOW COME?

OMG WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? COULD IT BE? My beloved Shamisen which I have been waiting for all my life? Ok a bit exaggerating, but you got my point. IT WAS OMG. Then from my room, my alarm rang. Oh shit, I was supposed to meet Winston and Zhi Wei to check out the chalet premises. DAMMIT. AT THE WORST POSSIBLE TIME. Oh my beloved Shamisen, Imma give u a name or something, like Sarah or whatever. *Note the cane hidden under the clubhouse sofa is mine for my own personal pleasures =)*

I rushed back home and started to tear the package apart. Pics~~~

The invoice. Ahh...*sigh*

Me unwrapping with a violent force. rofl.

Unwrapped and ready for next unwrapping.

Almost there...

*hyperventilates* I CAN SEE IT ALREADY.

The Bachi (pick for the Shamisen) and the bridge, which I stupidly forgot to put it on when I tried to play it.

Oh...the wonders of life.

I'd like to thank several people who helped in this. Firstly, I'd like to thank my parents for offering to pay a portion of it and mom who hurriedly gave me 50 bucks for the handling fee. Next I'd like to thank Gary for giving me loads of jobs which made me able to get this instrument without much worry or guilt. And finally I'd like to thank the nice lady who emailed the blur me with instructions on online transactions lol.

I <3 all you people!

Album

2008-09-19T23:43:00.002+08:00

OMG I didn't know 李玖哲 had a new album. Like, it's only been a little while since his previous album. But I'm not complaining since it has big composer names like 方大同，吴克群 and 阿訫 composing songs for him. Omg he even sang a song for a MMO, seems like everyone is doing that nowadays. I also bought Crystal Kay's album, although I already downloaded it. If it's good music, I don't mind paying for it. All the more for support people. It's ok to download, but it's even more ok to buy the ones you love.

OMG I just realized does Saturday and Sunday count as shipping days? If not, my glorious sexy pretty awesome Shamisen would only arrive by next NEXT MONDAY. Sadness fills me now. Imma go cry in a corner lol.

Newflash: My iPod earpiece just broke. Need to get a new one now.

Shamisen Countdown

2008-09-18T22:47:00.002+08:00

OMG My Shamisen only just shipped out TODAY. Meaning, it'd probably be here on Thursday to Sunday. Damn...I CAN'T WAIT NO LONGER.

Work today was insane. I was on the verge of biting something. I bit on the stack of papers though, although I didn't want to bite too much in case they find some saliva on it LOL. Yeah, I'm gross. I'm human too. I guess work is like that, you get shitty last minute calls that totally throw your plans off. I expected to go off at 3pm, but I got held back till 7pm. If Gary wasn't there, I'd probably wail and break something. Sorry, I'm not good at suppressing my anger. Thank you Gary for tolerating me, I'm not easy to handle when I go out of control.

Oh yeah, the bakery at Toa Payoh rocks my socks. I should go back there someday, yeah someday when I need to go back there again.

I really can't wait 7-10 days. I need my Shamisen now. NOW.

Shamisen Madness

2008-09-16T02:17:00.002+08:00

OMG The money is finally deducted! Now all I have to do is wait for my beloved Shamisen. Oh Yes...I can feel it now. *awkward silence*

Last night one of my friends said this to me, "You don't seem to be affected. I think you are quite strong."

Me? Strong? LOL. I don't think I'm strong in any way, rather I think of other stuff. I am the last person you would call strong.

Sometimes, if you can go for it, go for it. I'm talking to you Ah Suat! Some people can't even do what they want and yet you want to give up. Never give up ok? Don't waste an opportunity, because I will kill those who waste an opportunity I would give my life for. Never treat an open opportunity lightly.

Unable

2008-09-13T01:28:00.004+08:00

Why am I unable to look at someone directly in the eyes? It has been so long ago but I could never forget the look that my parents gave me, that look of disappointment. I figured since then, I just couldn't look at anybody's eyes ever again. I used to think that those rape victims who are scared of men are just overly sensitive, but I've come to believe there is such a thing called trauma. Is my case a case of trauma or am I just so used to it after a long time? I have some sort of feeling that people find me proud coz I don't look at them directly when I'm talking. I tried. I really tried, but it seems like its the hardest thing for me to do.

So if I am able to look at you in the eye and not look away after a few moments...I must love you a lot or I am able to trust you. Maybe I need to see a therapist to cure this...this problem of mine?

These past few days some emotion within me is constantly making me feel uncomfortable, I'm not sure what it is but its irritating the hell out of me. Perhaps I'm too impatient for my pay to come, or that I still cannot get over you. Ever since you appeared, there has never been a day where I feel completely happy, only the moments where you make me happy, which come so rarely. That's why I need to forget you, I need to find a new purpose, a new direction in life that doesn't make me so tormented all the time. Half a year ago I tried, but I failed miserably. A friend used to tell me:

"Don't worry about whether you are going to be together or not. Just enjoy the time you have with each other."

These words stuck to me like glue. And now I enjoy every minute of it, though it may not be a long time. Maybe going to army is a good thing after all. Wait that's bullshit, going to army isn't good at all LOL.

Turns out I don't have enough money to buy the instrument online and I have to wait till Monday to get the rest of the money. This makes me angry at myself for cutting and dyeing my hair so impulsively. DAMMIT. The person replied pretty quickly, thankfully.

I still haven't found a supplier for my T-shirts and I'm seriously getting low on inspiration. Is this doomed for failure? I hope not.

Shamisen

2008-09-10T22:43:00.002+08:00

OMGOMGOMG PEOPLE!!! I finally ordered my oh so awesome Shamisen! I have been dreaming of molesting one for decades! Finally...but...its freaking expensive, its basically all the pay I have been working these past week. BUT I know it will be worth it.

This morning I had a bit of sore throat. I wonder how is Gary, hopes he passes it to me so he can finally have a break. OH YEAH. GARY! Change your tagboard pls, I can't send a response.

This is quite a pointless entry, but yeah I'm in a particularly estatic mood today.

Camp

2008-09-09T00:06:00.002+08:00

These past few days have been totally hectic, due to certain factors that have kept me incredibly busy. In short, IM SO SHAGGED BEYOND BELIEF. I want to like sleep for a 100 days. Wait, that would make people think I'm in a coma. Ok no, 20 hours would do.

As I mentioned in my previous blog entry, I was working for 8 days straight. Ok, fine, its not as long as a lot of people, but it was so tiring. The people there were really nice though, so I managed to work without any trouble. Someone was sick and oh so STUBBORN. Only know how to act man! LOL. Make me worried until I had bad dreams. Please get well soon.

Immediately after the end of my 8 day work was my Annual SCC Camp. Being a very good and hardworking (lol bullshit) alumni, I chose to stay a little earlier to help everyone out. Although sometimes I feel more like a member. I always feel I would be more easily forgotten like I was taken for granted since I'm always there. I always try my best to attend, no matter how ~~boring~~ it can be, coz I know I have friends there. Friends who mean a lot to me now, although I can't predict the future. I know I'm loved, so I try hard not to think too much about it.

Camp on the whole was quite fun for me, although not as fun as the previous years. I saw a lot of people again. I missed Johnny a lot and Evon even much more, so it was a good time. Although we are almost adults, I just can't help but feel like a secondary school student when I'm with Evon. Sometimes I miss secondary school life, although it wasn't the best time for me, it had some good times. Poly life is the one that I would not forget, but even someone like me likes to feel young, stupid and naive again.

The Camp Monthly Performance was good, good for my last MP. La Poupee was such a success in my opinion, lots of people has the same reaction when I composed 不是你, so I have high hopes for it. XUETING! I don't choose you coz there isn't any other singers, I choose you coz you are the best singer for it. Please be confident ok?

The other song with Gary was handicapped, coz Gary was sick. BUT, surprisingly the marks I saw weren't low and people said it was good. This song has a lot of sentimental value to it, so personally I don't really care if it does well. Overall I'm surprised it was better than I expected. ALTHOUGH Steve still has some sort of upper hand with his cheapo harmony. DAMMIT.

During the camp I learnt of some secrets. Some were scary and some could ruin many other friendships. I just don't like to know of such things but I believe its the right thing to have knowledge of such things. People who I thought were good became ruined by such dark secrets they keep. But hey, even I have dark secrets and I don't expect people to like me if they know about it. I believe everyone has a dark secret, that keeps them human and natural.

These few days have been so emotional tiring I couldn't help but sobbing in the handicap toilet for a few minutes. Sometimes you do things for people and shouldn't ask for anything back, coz thats how life is. Sometimes I think I'm crazy but they say a crazy person doesn't know he's crazy. So what am I?

I'm slowly readjusting my life back to normal now. Back to playing MMOs and drawing!

Work Work Work

2008-09-01T22:33:00.002+08:00

Wow its been awhile since I blogged. Reason being that I was working (yes working, don't be surprised) these few days and the next days after.

Working at Comex was a really nice experience, considering I was such a noob there. I seriously couldn't do anything unless I was ordered to. Or was it supposed to work that way, only move when you receive orders? I don't know seriously LOL. The boss, Gina, was an uber patient woman and reminded me of my fav auntie.

There's too many things to mention, but one of notable mention was I made a friend, Cherry, who I could click very quickly, as in a matter of hours I was indulging her in my most embarrassing secrets lol. I taught her quite an amount of Japanese too.

Jun Liang, Gary's classmate, who was seriously too good looking. I was like "Oh shit, later he eat me up how?" I warmed up to him eventually though lol. Djmax psycho.

Benard, another of Gary's classmate. He smelled exactly like what I expected. Omg please no one tell him that. Nice guy, I don't know but is it me or all of Gary's friends are nice people? roffles.

Samantha, my junior. I didn't know that. I initially thought I gave me a bad impression, but she's a nice girl. She totally gushed to me how hot the MMA senior Daryl was. Like I know about this Daryl, but I don't know how he looks like. *goes to friendster*

Chee Keong (or Kiong?), our sort of "big brother" who takes care of all of us. I think he was concerned when they saw everyone picking on me, but I'm like that lol. Nice guy too. AHH SHIT EVERYONE IS NICE LARR (no need to repeat like 3624562457 times) The people here are wayyyy better than some company I used to work for, for ONE FRICKING DAY. Yeah you know who you are, assholes.

Thank you so much, Gary, for giving me this lobang! I got to see more of you and got to know a group of nice people. This week I'm going to see them again in Data Entry, which is inevitably BORING, but its okay, I get paid. I need like 600 bucks. =(

Too tired to type a whole list of exciting stuff, but I'll leave it at here.

Deja Vu

2008-08-23T23:12:00.003+08:00

Stayed over at Gary's house with Dixon and...*sigh* Steve. LOL just joking Steve you know we all love you. They got me addicted to Monster Hunter and I got so pissed off at my PSP for being so laggy. I am so going to trade it in for a slim one. Turns out all these while I had my PSP, I didn't know how to hold the power button to off it, possibly preventing this lagging issue completely.

I also just found out that Dixon is a person full of wondrous crap, being completely random at the most random times. Well, he has that face so I have no comments about judging a book by its cover. It was a good time there nonetheless.

Sleeping at 5am made me think about some stuffs. Sad stuff. Sometimes I'm so afraid the same cycle and same old shit will happen again, and there's nothing I can do about it. And then again sometimes I think I'm over this and its just not my problem anymore. When nobody cares, maybe its a sign that you shouldn't care too.

I'm just tired, that's why I'm thinking like that. It will all be better tomorrow...................or at least until I find myself something else to do.

WARHAMMER

2008-08-16T02:28:00.002+08:00

Omg la Steve is coming back for this MP and the MPs after that. I have no mood or motivation to send in my song coz I'm waiting so long for it to come together and no one is enthusiastic about it. Stupid MP.

Nadz has made me so hyped up about Warhammer MMO I'm practically trembling. But crap...its another $60++++ down the drain if the game sucks like COUGHhellgateCOUGH. It looks good so far.

I miss SCC. I wanna see you guys again.

Parasite Eve

2008-08-14T22:30:00.003+08:00

OMG I finally completed Parasite Eve. HOORAY~! I loved the game since I was like...primary 5? But I never found the heart to complete it coz it was so damn scary to me at that time. Now its still scary (I swear, its gross too), but at least I can do it with more courage than an 11 year old. My hands are still shaking from that last boss. OMG HAHA.

The third installment is coming up, I'm so excited!!!

WTF

2008-08-13T19:50:00.002+08:00

WHAT THE HELL! IM SO FRIGGING BORED I MIGHT EAT MY OWN UNSHAVEN BEARD!!!

Currently, I'm at home, been at home for the past 5 days, living on nothing but internets entertainment, which gets stale after a while. I need to touch my 9 colourful buttons very soon or I might bite someone's elbow off. I AM BORED.

Everyday I have been busy occupying myself with designing more T-shirt designs for the anticipated China trip to the factory to get the printing done. I'm a bit skeptical about the quality of the T-shirt, but it looks kinda good so far. I hope it doesn't smell fishy like 89% of the stuff that comes from China. Seriously, I went there last time and every shirt I bought there smelt like fish. I'm currently doing some redo works since I have designing intricacy imbalances, some of my designs are too simple and I had to over complicate them to compensate the overall look of the theme. Luckily I'm doing what I like or I won't be waking up so early. 12pm to me is early. Go figure.

Why is everybody around me having exams??!! I'm so angry. You twats better finish your exams coz I am getting very grouchy. VERY GROUCHY.

Songs out of time

2008-08-12T15:11:00.002+08:00

I recently had a sudden influx of songs coming from my head. And only to realize I have less than 2 weeks to prepare everyone that is involved. I think I won't push it too much for next month, although it may be my last MP. Let's see...I already have 2 songs done, now for the third one.

Now it seems like I'm "working" at home. Is this how I am supposed to describe it? I'm not really my own boss and I'm not even sure this idea might take off...perhaps I'm just doing for the sake of it being a hobby. I keep questioning myself. Am I being too overly ambitious? Will people like my stuff? Or will they buy it coz they know me? I know I can't compare to people in the industry, but sometimes I feel a little ambition is good for anybody. But somehow I can't help but be cautious about it.

I have friends who don't see any difficulty in the things I do and it saddens me. I'm not really good at art in general, but I try I guess. Let's see how it goes.

Twitter Tatter

2008-08-05T20:21:00.001+08:00

I might decide to change my blogskin soon. Self-advertising is the way to go! lol

Ms Naidatul Nadzirah bte Razali Abdullah Rahman has indirectly pressured me into making a Twitter account. For those who have, or for those curious individuals who have nothing to do but to peer into what am I doing every hour or so, visit my Twitter account!

HERE HERE TWITTER HERE HERE

My father has found a suitable T-shirt printer person and asked me to make some designs so we can get the number up to 300 pieces. I was hoping to do some kid's design too. Currently, I'm at my desktop every single day drawing something for my T-shirts. There's no off day when you're working at home! I hope everybody will support my venture when the T-shirts come out! Oh yeah...(might as well)...

For those who are interested in seeing some of the designs (although I only have one design up for now), you can visit my DA page made specially for RaccoonSoda.

HERE HERE DEVIANTART HERE HERE

I'm pleasantly surprised Meihar has made a DA account, though I doubt she knows how to use it lol. Thanks for the support!

Ending It

2008-08-04T00:12:00.003+08:00

There's a time and place to let go of everything. I just feel that I need to let go of some issues. Issues that have been making me sleepless and so irritable. Maybe sometimes being Schizophrenic isn't such a bad thing, and they say crazy people don't know they are crazy, so what am I then? Just lonely, I guess.

I've never been a strong person, in fact I've been told by people that I love most that I'm weak. It's just that I wonder how was it like to pull a strong front?

LOL This entry is so weird, I know. I just thought of some stuff that really made me think about myself. Another useless blog entry.

MP

2008-07-26T01:48:00.002+08:00

Nothing, I repeat, NOTHING can stop me from hating the ever dreadful MP results. I can't even begin to describe how much I hate it, how much I want to shred the whole concept to pieces. Jealous? Yeah, maybe I am, maybe I'm so jealous to the fact I'm simply blogging about it without a care in the world if anybody is going to read it. Its just so unjust. Coupled with the fact that the Ghost of Steve still haunts the top of the MP results. I am forever going to be in his shadow because I am never good enough. Honestly, I'm just so disappointed because I put so much heart into the song and it never really got recognized. The lack of applause after we finished the song was deafening.

I am just so bugged. No matter what I do, I can't be happy? What is preventing me from being happy? I do what I like and I'm constantly reminded of how substandard I am. You know, I'd like to have a moment when I can be told that I'm good and have proof for it.

Ok. I'm cranky. Let's start over with happy stuff.

I'm really excited with where my designing is taking me. My parents have decided to source out for T-shirt silkscreen printers to help distribute my work to people. I have designed this blue design...so if anybody likes blue, feel free to ask for a test T-shirt! Unfortunately, it only applies to women only. Sorry guys but girls' T-shirts are WAY easier to design. I'm going to design some shoes too..but that might take awhile coz I'm not familiar with which pen/paint to use.

My primary school classmates have organized a BBQ. But I'm not going. Why? I'm just not going. I find there is not point for me to go to a place where I see people who I don't want to see. They never did me any good. They weren't my real friends, even if they were, I didn't see it. Though as selfish as I am, I believe I did not have a good primary school life because of some people there. It was where I learnt that being a good boy never did anyone good. That's where I learnt to protect myself and told myself that the things they say were only words and words can't do shit to you. I probably regretted the way I have grown because of that, but in life its every man for himself. Some people might say I bear a grudge 8years too long, but that's the way I work.

KL to Genting

2008-07-21T01:34:00.003+08:00

I am back from KL and Genting, and I and pleased to say I have never been so proud to be a Singaporean. With reasons piling up in my mind, I shall explain and describe everything in the most elaborate detail that I can.

First I shall type down my warnings.
I did not buy anything for you guys, SORRY ><>
There are no pictures coz most of them were pictures of me DRUNK. I'm not going to post them up for very obvious reasons.
I spent most of the time in the hotel room playing my DS. Which brings me to another reason I am so happy to be a Singaporean.

I honestly swear to the higher power above that Kuala Lumpur is the most boring city I have ever been to in my entire life. All the shopping malls I have been to either all have Deisgner Boutiques that only my sister and mother would scream for or they have stuff that is already available in Singapore, making it completely stupid and useless to buy them there, no matter how much cents you can actually save with the power of currency. The only thing in the day time I could look forward to is the food, which is, well...wait. Its almost the same in Singapore. So yeah, there's nothing nice for me in KL, for sure.

Did I mention I was sick throughout the whole trip? Even now as I am typing, I am coughing out phlegm of varying greenish hues in a few massive whooping coughs. I have been coughing from Singapore to KL to Genting. It never ends. But who cares? I still managed to drink like crazy coz my parents were around and they were paying for ALL the drinks. WOHOO.

Oh yes, I am an instant fan of Sex On The Beach. I would never ever drink any cocktail ever again. I love you long time =)

Genting was slightly more fun. I took all the awesome rides, though the roller coasters were a bit boring. The best one was the one where they drop you from the sky. I would never ever forget that. I need to take the one at Clarke Quay some day.

so that sums up my trip to Kl and Genting. Spell boring for me please.

KL

2008-07-14T20:45:00.002+08:00

Im currently packing my luggage for this impromptu trip to KL and Genting, which like spans over 5 days. I really seriously hope its fun coz 5 days is a long time.

Im still not finished on my freelance work, might be working in Malaysia.

I feel sad about some stuff. I guess when it comes to the end there's still no one that can take your place.

Bl;eeding Throat

2008-07-05T10:35:00.001+08:00

I have a bleeding throat and it hurts like woah. I so wanted to play Pop'n Music today. Damn.

ToyCon

2008-07-01T22:23:00.002+08:00

+++IMAGE HEAVY POST BE WARNED+++

Few entries ago, I had this RSVP invitation to this Toy & Comic Convention, also known as Coscon, Toycon and the Convention of the year. Ok the last one was by me. This is by far the most amazing convention I have ever been to, with CGOverdrive '07 in second place, coz CGOverdrive '08 sucked. It seems like a far cry from reality, but I have wishes of being in such an industry to create cute stuff for people on bags and still earn big bucks.

Initially I thought the RSVP was some really secretive peek at the convention, turns out its just an invitation to see the convention a day earlier than the rest of the public. "Invitation only" didn't stop the convention from being crowded, with the further fact I was alone there, I simply didn't want to venture too far from anything I didn't find familiar. I could've gotten signatures and shit from Mr. Tokidoki, but I soon realized that NETS wasn't allowed. PHAIL! So I rushed down only to discover Suntec has a pretty retarded way of strategically placing their DBS machines in the far corners of their immensely gargantuan building. In the end, when I went up, the queue was long and by the time it was near my turn, the booth closed. Fuck.

Where you Simone Legno bb? I love you long time xoxo

Whatever. At least I was invited. Wait...what's the use when you don't get anything out of it? In the end, I just bought some goodies and that Bascher book that I wanted. With 15% discount woot. And I got this Tokidoki cat thing in a cactus suit.

At least I got something =\

I went back totally demoralized coz I didn't fully utilize my RSVP privilege. So I asked my parents to come with me tomorrow.

The next day was awesome! Well...the queue was like from the other end of the 6th floor. Like wth. I was totally peeved, like half the people there were ah-sohs and ah-bengs with trashy girlfriends with their fake Tokidoki bags wanting to get a peek at this grand spectacle of a convention. They should totally like screen through to filter out the people who are actually there for the convention and not for free gifts.

And big big big surprise, my father did the most ridiculously singaporean thing ever. I am secretly proud of him. He went to the front and pretended to be an angry person on the start of the queue demanding an entrance and he got 3 wristbands to get in. I was shocked beyond words and happy of course. So happy my belly button quivered. YES MY FATHER CUT QUEUE WHATCHA GOIN TO DO BOUT IT? lol. There was this mousey guy behind us saying "Please don't cut queue" and my father's reaction was like "fuck it I'm going it" Me and my mother were like totally guilt driven but nonchalant at the same time. Emotions, sometimes its hard to describe under such life-changing experiences. LOL. To be able to cut a 1000-man queue and get free stuff, now that's saying something.

4real4real, yo.

We got that limited edition ToyCon BearBrick shit, which I am going to sell online few years later and get momentarily rich. We had to stamp stuff on this passport and when it was done, we could redeem free stuff. Not really fabulous things, but I'm grateful I got anything free out of this coz I spent A BOMB.

I think I only liked the Tofuman vinyls.

We went around hurrying to snag the Tokidoki stuff, coz soon, like 15-minutes-soon, people and bitches alike are going to crowd the place. So I bought a shitload worth of stuff. Too bad I couldn't get his signature coz that would really rock. I kept going back and forth for the next few hours to buy item after item. I officially love Simone.

I <3>

Then we saw the queue over at the GloomyBear and me and my mother rushed there. I got a couple of stuff, like a BearBrick (why the hell do I keep buying Bearbricks when I don't even like collecting it?) and a stuff Keychain. He was so cool enough to sign both of them even though he was only allowed to sign one person.

Hope the ink doesn't smear into the fabric.

I also got some freebies like stickers and postcards. He is such an awesome guy.

The whole collection.

Pete Fowler was totally late. Everybody was going back and forth asking if he was there. Bet he was hungover from yesterday at Butter Factory. His stuff was nice and I was eyeing on one of his vinyl stuff. Well...off to other booths.

I saw this Gary Eskine guy's booth and it was american comic style. Like I wasn't interested but he looks pretty popular amongst the older audience. There was a free poster but I simply not interested. Sorry bb.

There was a Lao Fu Zi booth and sadly, very little people visited it. I guess time changes and its not popular anymore? I'm guessing it could still work if marketed as a vintage product.

Then finally Pete arrived. I wanted to buy his vinyl stuff but this stupid old man blocked my way. Why do I call him stupid? Coz he kept rummaging through the stuff like it was free gifts and NOT BUYING ANYTHING while bloing my way at the same time. I hate people like that. They just come to conventions for free stuff. Okay, its ok if you come to conventions JUST for that, but please don't block the people who actually go there for a legitimate reason, that includes queues. I bought the stuff and THE HORSE, as the booth person says haha. He was a nice guy, especially when my mother's abysmally slow camera tried to take his picture when he was trying to sign my vinyl. The poor guy had to freeze his smile for 5 seconds lol.

I like his vector mad skillz. I realized the sticker was upside-down.

Erm...nice signature.

There was actually a DDR machine there and they had a compeitition so I though well...might as well maybe I could win something. But wth, they only made me play basic and stupidily easy songs. I was pissed and just wanted to get it over and done with. I didn't get anything, probably they will email me or something. PLUS, the machine is like the US version which doesn't have the awesome boss songs that the japanese version has. PHAIL. Timezone, don't try to compete with X-Zone coz you will most probably PHAIL. Phail like how the left arrow was spoiled.

I kept going back and forth the IFS booth and finally they gave a demonstration. It was awesome how it was created but damn, he was going at an artist's pace. And plus he was doing that thing when artists move the picture in tiny circles then finally going back to the same exact position. Like what purpose does it serve? I laughed everytime he did that lol.

Beautiful but waayy too long to draw bb.

It irks me how I managed to be beside this stupid bimbotic girlfriend of a guy who is genuinely interested telling him to go to other places. I would totally smack her...not. lol not my girlfriend not my business.

gf: "Dear arh...so boring leh. Only draw draw."
bf: "..."
gf: "Dear...so boring leh go leh."
bf: "...okok"

I wanted to go the next day but heck I was too tired to go. Anyways I did get so much more than what I expected. I LOVE YOU TOYCON. SEE YOU NEXT YEAR!!! (hopefully)

Avier

2008-06-29T01:20:00.002+08:00

OMGOMG I have bought a shitload worth of stuff from the convention and I'm going to blog about it...................tomorrow. Coz now I feel a little tired and I just want to relax. Omg I'm just so excited.

Avier said I am her best friend ever and I feel touched. At least someone treats me as a best friend although I told her before I don't believe in best friends.

I heard this song on a youtube clip and I was really touched by it. It's by Adele and safe to say she really reminds me of Avier LOL. Avier! Watch the clip and see for yourself!

The lyrics that struck me the most is the chorus:

'Round my hometown the people I've met
Are the wonders of my world
Are the wonders of my world
Are the wonders of this world
Are the wonders of my world

That made me think that no matter how small people mean to you, they took part in molding you into what you are today. I was frustrated that one of my closest friends did not stuck up for me, but now I think that whatever happens will happen. If we were meant to be friends for another 10 years, so be it. But what remains is the times we had...and those were the times of my life.

Friends

2008-06-26T21:17:00.002+08:00

We're not secondary school students anymore. We are young adults, we are matured. We think in complex ways. We can be more than friends to our friends that matter the most. We become. We transform, better.

I'm just too disappointed that one of my closest friends doesn't stand up for me when one of her friends talks trash about me. Its time when people our age start to treasure friends more. Am I asking for too much, or am I assuming something that is not easily done by other people? I fucking feel like bawling my eyes out, but the rage and frustration prevents me from doing so. The world is unfair, but nobody can get used to it.

I've been struggling with this for 11 years of my life, yet within these years I have yet to find someone who can be truly there for me. Unless...I don't let them. That reminds me. Can I let people in? Maybe sometimes no one can truly be in your life for more than 75% of the time. If only I was a simpler person.

Convention

2008-06-26T02:38:00.002+08:00

OMG I have this RSVP to this uber covention, this Toy convention at Suntec. It's like "invites only"...omgomg whatshouldiwear? whatshouldiwear? I'm quite serious about getting into this industry, though I know the monetary prospects is kinda disappointing, but I'd know I would be doing something I love.

Ahh...the Toy industry. It's so idealistic in Singapore, where a stable job is probably a safer alternative to survive in a place where everything needs money and nothing is free.

I feel I totally wasted my time at my course. I graduated with nothing but the self-initiation and barely scraping through the modules by learning almost everything myself without proper guidance. Yes, modelling was taught. Yes, animation was taught. Yes, drawing was taught. But not enough, more like they were trying to cramp across all mediums to make us truly a Jack of All Trades. Those that made it were the ones that had enough balls to ask the lecturers and mingle with them. I have no inept interest in 3D, I'm more interested in traditional media? Something less of a formulaic process of creation, something which can more readily accept your ideas. Seems like I need to start from scratch and build up without guidance again. I envy my friends who have proper skills and proper direction in life. Something where they can move forward to and tell themselves that they will be fed properly for the rest of their lives. Am I too young to think about this?

I'm so stagnant in my life its getting irritating, but I'm clearly not doing enough about it. Lemme finish that Basic Theory for driving first lol.

Tagged again

2008-06-24T01:08:00.003+08:00

I was virtually initiated by the dearest Naidatul Nadzirah bte Razali Abdullah Rahman. Hence, I shall tag as its 1am and I refuse to play Maplestory.

1. Have you ever loved someone?
Yes. Its funny how you love the ones you can never get.

2. Who is more important to you? friends or bf?
Definitely friends. For now and forever. Pray I won't be in a situation where I have to forsake one for the other.

3. Who are the people you trust the most?
Close Friends.

4. Do you think you have enough confidence?
Never enough. But it definitely has become better over the past few years.

5. What do you think of YOURSELF?
What is this? Its like a bait to make someone go emo over themselves. I SHALL NOT BE TEMPTED.

6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
Trick question. When I see a rainbow, then I believe. Other than that, I close my windows.

7. What is your goal for this year?
Learn the cello, get better in my art and survive NS. thankyouverymuch.

8. Do you believe in eternal love?
Eww. No. If I did, I would killed myself.

9. What feeling do you love the most?
Waking up on my bed with sun rays in your face and smelling morning air. Ahh...I never get to do that anymore because I always wake up so late LOL.

10. What are the requirements of your the other half?
To think of me at least one minute a day. I'm easy to please, so sue me.

11. List the best moments in your life.
Poly life.

12. What do you hate most?
Not being trusted that you could do something without screwing it up.

13. Between love and money?
Money. Come on, be realistic.

14. What’s the most attractive things about a person to you?
A person's sarcasm. I just love sarcasm.

15. Describe the person who tagged you using 5 words.
Naidatul Nadzirah bte Razali Abdullah Rahman a.k.a. Exotic Ethiopian Eyptian princess. Flawed. A friend who is really THERE for you. Hard to forget. Mental. Thighs.

16. Who can you not live without?
My friends. My family.

17.If you have one wish now, what would you wish for?
For things to go my way.

18.What do you want most for your birthday.
Nothing.

19. Have I kept pets before?
I had two dogs, 21345366 freshwater fish, 23462 marine fish, 3 guinea pigs, 2 lungfish, 2 arowanas. I want a siamese cat next.

20. Do you believe in dreams come true?
Yes, but I can never put them first.

Instructions: Remove 1 ques from above and add in your personal ques.
Make a total of 20 ques and tag 8 ppl.
List them out at the end of your post.
Notify them in your cbox!Whoever does the tag will have blessings from all

Question I removed;
none.

Huimin add on…
What will you do if the life u’ve always wished for doesnt turn out the way u want it?
My answer: Sleep and wake up.

Xu Ping add on…
To what extend are you willing to do in order to get your loved ones love you?
My answer: Die. And its "extent" not "extend".

Naidatul Nadzirah bte Razali Abdullah Rahman add on...
What do you think of ponies?
They are earth's clever little genetic way of making an alternative choice of horses for children. No, I think they're cute.

Ikana add on...
Could you ever stop loving someone?

8 people I am tagging:
1. Avier
2. Evon
3. Meihar
4. Xueting
5. If you read this, then do it!
6. If you read this, then do it!
7. If you read this, then do it!

Work

2008-06-23T21:22:00.003+08:00

I'm in an unbearably angry and mistreated mood now, but I can't blog about it coz people will find out and sue me. Wimps. Also, I'm in a "I told you so" kinda mood now because they made a mistake. Oh the irony! Don't worry Nadz I will still be supporting you spiritually!...somewhere.

Saturday after work I reluctantly went to my secondary school friend's chalet, much to the persuasion of my fellow classmates to come even though the next day I supposedly had work. In the end when I went there, they were all ready to leave. I was like so pissed, pissed beyond my mental limit. But they felt obligated and watch a late night movie with me, Get Smart. (o hai dwayne!) The movie was so funny it totally paid off. I still love you guys! (most of them anyways) It was nice to see Mira after so long.

After that I didn't have anywhere to go to sleep and I didn't want to go home, so end up I went to Deyan's house, which was seriously quite spacious. But Mother of Lords, it was hot as hell in there, thank god I perspired or else I couldn't have slept. It was a good sleep disregarding the occasionally booming thunder. I went home pissed and slept for ages.

Today was my first driving lesson for basic theory. Like wth, its not even a lesson. Its like a lecture on how to get your license. Waste of time. I hope I will have a proper lesson tomorrow. I'm very anxious that I won't have enough practise to pass the evaluation.

I still can't find a cello learning course. I pissed.

Johnny said I'm pissed all the time. Maybe I am.

Job

2008-06-19T23:48:00.002+08:00

I have yet to get my pay for that MusicVideo that I was in. RAGE. I honestly hope those assholes won't give me anything below a 100 bucks. I'm not kidding its been since December since we finished filming, I ought to get some sort of time-compensation!!! Ok fine, maybe I'm a little greedy.

On the topic on pays, Naidatul Rabiatul Nadzirah bte Razali Abdullah Rahman *deep breath* brought me in this 2 days job. I like jobs like this coz there's no commitment involved. Woot. Anyways I'm supposed to be a trainer for iPhoto, the software in all the Macs. I was like "What? Trainer? Me?" I was so noob inside there...everyone looks pretty decent to me, though someone beside me was like bitching about the guy who talked about having a Mac and stuff. I hope the weekends go well.

I've been wanting to learn the cello ever since I heard it on my song. Its so mellow and non glass-shattering like the violin, but damn...no one in the most convenient proximity actually teaches the cello. Fuck. I have to go to this ulu school called "Magic Fiddlers" which almost sounds like a porn company name. Let me fiddle your magic stick.

I'm so crazy over Pop'n Music! Its way too fun but I can't play it at home. I just wish I would get better at it.

On the side note, in DDR today, I played with a random guy and I passed Pluto on Heavy. Like woah I didn't know I could be capable off such stuff. I used to be so stubborn on Speed Mods and double-stepping, now I realize the utmost importance of it. I surprised myself woots.

NS

2008-06-15T22:43:00.002+08:00

Just got off the phone with Steve and I think he's coping better than I thought. At least he's not getting targeted. All the things that I've heard about swearing commanders and "do this in 1 minute" stuff is all true. I have to be mentally prepared for that coz I know I'm not a fast thinker. I hope I can click well with my bunk mates though. Steve told me he has a clique. Sometimes I worry about him too much but he's an adult and can take care of himself...so long he doesn't stand out. Me, on the other hand, I'm not so sure about. Ok enough about that I'm getting depressed.

Today I went to bugis to play Pop'n Music and I onyl got to play once. Fucking hoggers. I hate it when people hog the machines and stand by them like its theirs. That's why no matter how empty the arcade is, I vow to myself that I will never hog a machine, be it DDR or Pop'n Music. Btw, I ordered the character illustration book! Woots, I'm so hyped!

There's a designer toy convention coming at the end of the week...I really want to get into this line of work, anybody interested to go with me?

Holishit

2008-06-06T00:11:00.003+08:00

My parents are bugging me to work but I don't want to! If I do, I won't get to come back for SCC anymore. That's like sad. But maybe it's time for me to leave, since Steve and Johnny are leaving too, I don't want to be the only alumni there to be taken for granted. Plus, I think they won't be so helpless without me anyways.

I have been doing absolutely nothing for the past few days and I'm worried that if I don't start soon, I won't be able to finish two promises I made to Huihui and Avier. Their songs need to be done! I'm having an artist block if that interests you.

Recently I have been crazy over Pop'n Music so I have been finding every single excuse to go to Plaza Singapura and Jurong East nowadays. I'm still a noob but no one is really hogging the machine so I can be those hoggers you see that make you SO angry LOL.

P.S.: I was supposed to write an entry about my graduation, but I'm so lazy. Let just say it was good times. I would really miss my classmates.

Clubbing YaWN

2008-05-31T03:54:00.002+08:00

I'm so lazy to type a new entry. I just wish blogs would type themselves out, just rubbing out faces to the monitor will produce a 1000-word blog entry that everyone would find entertaining.

But no. It doesn't work that way. Dammit.

So far...only two people realized I dyed my hair. One is Avier and the other is Xueting. Meihar, you are not counted coz I told you. My mom wants to buy another color for me. Mom gets much love from me.

Actually now I have two events that I'd like to blog about, but I only have the patience to do one per entry. One being Avier's lost of legit clubbing-virginity and the other my graduation ceremony. Both of which, are EXTREMELY overdue.

Last Saturday, I proposed that me, Avier, Meihar, Steve and Ken go for a night out clubbing. Ken suggested MOS and since I had the most awesome time the previous time I went to MOS, I figured why the hell not.

That morning I actually met up with Clara and her friend to see Eileen audition for Teenage Icon. Its kinda pointless to go for these kind of competitions in singapore coz all they ever do is bind you to stupid contracts. I rather bend over and kiss my own ass thank you very much. She got a red ticket, meaning the judges will reconsider whether to let her in anot. I rather she doesn't coz she failed her O lvls once already she does not need to fail them again. After that we went to Dhoby Ghaut and played DDR. Yeah, of all things I went to play some physically strenous game before going for a night of endless dancing. I'm so clever sometimes. Tired and pissed, I hurried back to my home and changed. Then I realized Ken was planning to wear polo and I was currently wearing a polo so I just decided to leave it and just have a shower. In the meantime, I scrambled to make 5 Philadelphia-filled biscuits. Mmm...Philadelphia. Scrambling out, I decided to take a taxi, but golly, I knew all of them were going to be late so I just wasted my freaking money. At least Avier was a little on time. We went shopping around the nearest shopping centre and I teased her about her accentuating every single word ending in her speech. It sounds silly but she does this for the kids, so its understandable.

A few minutes (about 20) later, Ken arrived apologizing. I can't wait to hear what Meihar and Steve has to say. We called Meihar and she went on about "preparing myself". It was a complete drag and a piss off. So we deciding to go in instead. And dear god, it was the first time I ever saw MOS so empty. Oh yeah and I lost my free drink coupon. fuck. I still get thrills over how the bouncers still ask for my IC even though I'm over the age limit. Yay for youth. Ahem.

Steve was even later than planned but we just didn't care anymore and by the time he arrived we were ready to drink. Oh here's the bad part; the drinks were so diluted I had to spend 50 bucks just to get high. It was so disappointing. Especially Sex on the Beach. I liked the name and I imagined it would be pink and have floating hearts around it but it was so fricking diluted I was sad. In the end I just took 2 tequila shots. Fucking expensive.

Not only the drinks were bad, the music was bad. Ok, initially the music was alright with recognizable hits and nice beats, but when the DJ changed it was like raprapraprapraprapraprapraptittesraprapraprapboobsraprapraprapsexrapraprap. It just wouldn't stop with the rapping. In the end we just went to the *gasp* techno section. I got into it for awhile but dear god, I wonder why people like to dance to techno so much. Its freaking monotonous. Some of the people there are so stupid. If you dance in a crowded place, you are BOUND to have some people pushing you around for space, whether accidental or on purpose. Get used to the fact that 50 other people are in the same room and require as much dancing space as you, maybe even more. Don't start a fistfight just because you are being pushed by the crowd. Dear god, some people are so immature. You want to finger someone, go to the girls toilet. Yeah you know what I'm talking about. *rolleyes*

In the end we just found a nice little cozy place to hide and rest from the disappointing drinks and music. Apparently Meihar was a little too tipsy and fell behind the seat, grazing her elbow. Ouch. We took some pictures there.

idk. I could poke a straw through Steve's eyebags and drink nutritious water from it. Eww. The rest of the pictures we took were shitty and this is the only one I thought I looked decent enough to be posted. Btw, I danced like an idiot that day. I don't even want to remember how I danced. Urgh. I WASN'T DRUNK ENOUGH. BOO.

After the disappointing trip to MOS, we decided, as usual, to hang out at MacDonalds until the first bus arrives. I love mah hotcakes so I waited for breakfast. Everyone was feeling down. Meihar let me listen to the rest of Janet Jackson's album and I loved it. Sigh...if only MOS would play her songs. Stupid DJ.

Oh yeah let me tell you guys the joke of the month, from our precious meihar again lol.

Me: Ehh you see that girl sitting over there? She got Avier 的味道.
Avier: *nods*
Ken: *nods*
Meihar: So far...you can smell meh?

For those who know the double meaning of that chinese word, laugh away. We kept laughing and referring to it. for those who don't know, the chinese word can describe someone's aura, a sense of style the person shows....OR it could also be the person's smell.

Brown

2008-05-24T00:43:00.001+08:00

I'm so sad today...

Because no one realized I dyed my hair brown today.

Ok fine. I chose a dark brown, so its kinda natural no one will notice it. But now, I'm stuck coz I can't dye it again for another god-knows-how-long. SIAN.

No Greater Love

2008-05-22T23:35:00.001+08:00

Watch the clip above. He is just sososo amazing. Its one of my fave songs to sing and he sings it so well with the guitar. The best thing is HE'S BRITISH. Like woah, where he gets that accent? I feel so lousy but so inspired after listening to him.

Saturday I'm finally going clubbing after AGES of waiting.

Gym

2008-05-21T00:53:00.002+08:00

Went to the gym in an extremely long time. My butt hurts and my arms cant stop trembling. Thats not the worse, my knee's acting up again. This bites. Well at least I ran quite a distance today. =)

I'm thinking of dyeing my hair. Nothing drastic, just a little brown. Coz a few entries before I had this really weird dream of a few friends commenting how nice my brown hair was. Should I really be acting on dreams? LOL. I'm going to do it on thursday most probably.

My mom got back from the iPod centre in wheelock and the bloody assholes says apple doesnt repair iPods. Like what the??!! My iPod has a damaged jack, so everything basically can be only heard in the left of the earpiece unless I tilt the base of the earpiece with pressure, much contribution to the ultimate downfall of the poor mp3 player. Seriously the only thing I like about iPod is the look of it. The rest is just fail! The man at the repair centre said I could get a completely new one for 200+, which I personally think is worth it. I do not need a small iPod touch, which has like a measly 20Gb, my playlist is nearing 19.5Gb, so I can't compensate anything for my music.

My father told me to try to save up, so I'm probably not going for anymore impulse CD buys at HMV. Anyways there's only like one other CD I need to buy for the moment.

Recently and honestly I'm just so creatively and musically tired to do stuff that doesn't completely interests me. I don't mean composing tunes for my friends sucks, I just think that I need to be a place where I can finally do what I like for once. Is there even such a place in Singapore?

They say your voice only truly matures when you're 25. I'm almost 20 now and my voice is still so...unsettled? I can't think of a word for it. I just saw this super awesome guy sing Amy Winehouse in Youtube and I felt so small and lousy. I admit few years ago up till last year I used to think my voice was above average, but listening to so many people say otherwise, I learnt to throw away my ego. I'm just not that good I guess. Coincidentally I'm listening back to Amy Winehouse again. Maybe she will give me confidence again.

Opening

2008-05-15T05:21:00.002+08:00

Recently have some money problems...actually its just money management. I do have sufficient allowance, just that somehow after every end of the month I end up with less than 50 bucks. Is it the CDs that I've been buying? Die...@_@

Tonight a bunch of us had some talk that really opened up my eyes to the situation in the club. There is no such thing as a person who everyone loves, there is bound to be someone who doesn't like you in one way or another. It really scares me that sometimes people you thought were friendly to each other actually don't like one another. Just plain scary.

One of my friends says I haven't really opened up to anyone yet, not even my closest of friends. That really had me thinking and I think he's right. But there's some stuff I really can't tell people without them hating me or changing their views about me. I pray to whatever I up there that no one knows about it and that some secrets are never meant to be known.

I personally believe everyone should be given a chance to prove themselves that they are not an assholic bastard 24/7. Sometimes some people are SO off that you help but hate them. I've learned to see past that side of people and give them a chance. Even the people who bully me in the past I give them a chance and if they ever treat me nice, I will treat them the same way. I generally like everybody and I'm the person who can never hate someone 100%. There are some people with attitudes that irritate me and disgust me, but I find the good points in them and look past it. I would post some examples, but you guys know I'm not that mean right? LOL

Discovering

2008-05-12T02:03:00.002+08:00

After a long long long time (probably like 8 months), I tried to read the runes again. I haven't done it since the SCC chalet, where my apparent depression began. (Which I lost 4 freaking waist sizes! WOOT!) I wasn't thinking about anything in general, but the thoughts just flowed in me and I did the five-rune spread. It went like this:

Overview of the situation:
Hagalaz

Challenge:
Nauthiz Reversed

Course of Action called for:
Gebo

Sacrifice:
Othila

New situation evolving:
Mannaz Reversed

So a brief summary of this is...ok there is no brief summary lol. The overview rune involves quite a powerful rune. Normally its associated with destruction. I interpret it as the situation I'm having now is destroying my current lifestyle. Which is very true coz now the only thing I ever do at home is sleep, internet, playing piano and sleep. The challenge rune that is presented to me is one of great pain and limitation. Which again relates very well to the first rune. I'm currently at a stage where I'm moping about absolutely nothing but the situation I cause in my mind. The course of action rune is really funny. Coz it is the rune of partnership, which basically tells me to go dating, i think. The sacrifice rune is the depressing one. It is the rune of separation, meaning I must separate myself with old friendships and stuff like that. Ok fine. I lied. I was thinking about a certain person. So...argh I don't know what to think anymore. The last rune is confusing coz it tells me I need to think and reflect about myself. But its what I've been doing for the past few weeks lol.

Random post

2008-05-04T21:05:00.003+08:00

This is going to be a post full of random stuff. Really random stuff.

Whoever said loves the Jonas Brothers are totally deaf. They can't sing for fuck. They sound like air forced out of their balls, its excruciating! The only saving grace for them is their looks, save for the curly haired brother. It's the same for liking boybands for their looks, except this band actually PLAYS THE MUSIC. OMGZBBQ. "They play real music" I would never have guessed -.-

I just listened to Leona Lewis' single "Better in Time" on MTV. And I say it pretty darn good. I like it a lot. But I freaking hate Bleeding Love. Bleeding Love sounds like what Hilary Duff would sing. She has a good voice but please don't say she's the next Mariah.

I think I have a serious shopping problem. I'm totally the serial buyer for CDs. Its like every freaking month I buy at least 3 CDs. And I never have enough CDs to buy. Recently I got caught up with Crystal Kay, a japanese R&B singer. I think only her latest album is good, so yeah I'm saving money on that lol. MEIHAR please remember to ask for "Shining" for me! Thxbb~!

I just downloaded this really good drama "brothers and sisters". Its so good I just can't describe the aweomeness. I always almost want to cry every episode. It really touches on aspects on family that are so easy to relate to. I'm on episode 6 now and I'm really excited how they are going to continue the storyline.

(The following might offend some people)
I just don't understand why some people mope in the most trivial of things. Fine, everybody has their problems, I just don't see why they can't get past it. I don't brag about the problems I have, but let's just say it has been hard living for the past 10years with the problems I have been facing. I think its time for people to just have a little courage within themselves to get over stuff and start focusing on stuff that really matter, like family and friends. "I have no one to talk to." Please. Try being in MY situation and then we will talk. Pfft...some people. *rolleyes*

Ok it might not be in my situation to say this, since I used to be like that. but drinking doesn't help anything in the long term. Yes, you get numb. Yes, you get happy. But in the morning, every little shit you were trying to avoid comes back to you like a snowball. I stopped doing that coz I overcame it and gotten over my problems. It was hard so I don't expect people to do it so quickly either.

I have WAY too many random things to say today LOL.

Disappointed

2008-05-02T20:45:00.003+08:00

I had this dream last night talking to my friends.

Me: "I think I would look really good in brown hair!"
Friends (which included huihui and xueting. don't ask): " *nod* "

I practically LOL'ed when I just remembered this not long ago. I don't know what's so funny about it, maybe coz I said what I said with such confidence. LOL.

Ok that aside. Today I'm really disappointed again. Yet somehow, I felt that it wasn't such a surprise, since it has been done before. I got pangseh-ed again for god knows how many times again. Maybe it was my fault for not letting them stay till the next day afternoon. Just how many times do we have to cancel our meetings?

Cash Studio on Thusday was like, sad. Nobody out of the ordinary was there, except for the usual few K-addicts. We got kicked out early coz there was like a huge queue outside waiting. I realize we are among the minority who go there to sing chinese songs. Most of the posters there are oo malay singers, which made me really uncomfortable, I constantly felt there were people staring at me when I was outside in the waiting room. I need to go back to Kbox soon, no offence CashStudio.

Recently something happened. It had me thinking. (Emo mode switched *on* continue at your own risk) Is it still correct to be deeply concerned about the person that you gave up? I don't want to end up like some people, having that "if I can be happy with him/her, I would recommend/push him to other people" I'm not that psycho. It's been too long and i can't do this anymore. Recently people have been asking me to go drink their sorrows away. I used to do it coz I felt too depressed over this person and I needed to drink just because. Now I'm sort of over that person I don't see a need to return there anymore, but I still do miss the feeling of being drunk lol. Perhaps I'm still not over you.

In the end there's no one you can confide in except yourself. Its largely why I still talk to myself in the middle of the night to make me sleep.

Fuckery

2008-04-27T01:04:00.003+08:00

Next time I'm not going to ask anybody to go out, you all have to ask me.

I'll probably delete this post soon after coz it sounds really mean. But I'm really pissed now so give me the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes I feel so utterly stupid staying at home rotting. I probably need to find some drama series to watch or something.

EDIT: I deleted the first part coz it didn't seem fair to people. I'm cranky, so yeah.

JeaLOUSY

2008-04-20T15:28:00.002+08:00

Side Note: I wanted to type Jealousy for my entry title but I accidentally capped the last few letters so it became JeaLOUSY. LOL ok I feel randomly bored today sorry.

Currently I'm helping out Huiting to touchup her relative's wedding pics. I'm not even considered freelance now but I hope I can do a good job @_@

Recently although I am happy, I can't help but feel a bit jealous with some people. School is open and yes, I've graduated and I feel enormously bored at home. Clara and my NP mates are going back to school and I feel like joining them, although if it came true, I would kinda regret it LOL. School is always a good place to go to, even if you're feeling stressed and stuff. It stress that makes you feel good. I never hated Poly life, although I hated my secondary school and primary school life, Poly life have been an awesome time since I got to know the year1s.

I just received my NS letter for my enlistment date. OMG WTF BBQ its on OCTOBER. Yeah, you heard me. I still have 5 freaking months to practically rot till my nipples drop off. My father's pressing me for a driver's lisence and gym. No, I would not like to go gym but I don't mind going for driving lessons. I'm kinna envious that almost all my friends are going in at June. Johnny, Steve and some others and I'm stuck in the outside world. Freedom-wise, I very very happy but I just can't wait for the after effects of this prolonged holiday. They get to come out at June while I'm still stuck there for another 5 months. Currently, they are all cursing me for having a longer holiday but soon they will know it only benefits them in the long term.

Actually I wanted to go out today, jio-ing a few SCC friends out for Cash Studio. But as I read in her blog that she went already with her new schoolmates, I decided I didn't want her to go for another trip so soon. Is this how friends slowly drift apart? It's kinda inevitable when you're places in different areas of Singapore and different schools (considering im not in any school anymore lol) It happens to the best of us, so I won't blame anyone. Life goes on and you make new friends and if you're incredibly fated I will get to see them again.

I'm still undone with ANY of my songs. I'm in deep shit coz MP is 2 weeks away.

Can't do this anymore

2008-04-16T03:44:00.003+08:00

Ok another attempt at blogging after the failed entry the other day.

For the one who got shocked at the suaning that I tried to do...I was too tired to explain myself after I said that, so it was my bad. Let's go out sometime for some therapy again k? Sorry ><

Sometimes dreams really get your mind flustered. I thought I was over it, but looks like its back to haunt me again. It was the best dream in a while though...it just felt good. Haha. And no, it wasn't a wet dream, I was practically too weak with my sore throat and fever to have any dream of that nature.

I don't know why I'm so gullible in some situations. I can't even count the number of times I've been led on. It happened again last week. Sometimes its good to talk to somebody who you can talk ANYTHING to and advice you back without being too harsh. I don't need sugary words, I just need a two-way conversation. So I'm pretty over this stupid incident quite quickly phew. If not I'll be dragging and plowing over if not for this person. Thanks loads~ (name calling here is pretty risky haha, but you know who you are!)

I'm currently at a dry period where I'm basically doing nothing but doing utterly pointless things like surfing youtube and doodling anatomically incorrect bodies and playing that stupid online game! ARGH...my body clock is completely screwed up coz of that game. I need to stop for awhile to get my life back on track. I have been late for almost everything recently. I don't want to end up like our favorite year 4! HA.

Postponed Existence

2008-03-18T22:29:00.003+08:00

Other updates on Tioman soon, just didn't have the mood to do it since its uberly long.

EDIT: Screw it. I was angry and now have a huge lump on my neck. I'm not happy and getting sudden shocks of fever. Sometimes you say things you don't mean? I hope nobody read the previous post.

Tioman man man man

2008-03-03T02:14:00.002+08:00

I decided to put this entry off for way too long. I was thinking "put it off put it off i can do this next time" but it seems like 2 days is about enough. I wont remember so much things if I do this any longer. So here goes like 4 days of coverage of my awesome Tioman trip!

Day1:
Oh yea before I start I would like to inform you with my deepest regret that this post would not be image-heavy coz I only brought my videocam, which is like footage of long walks which in the end, nobody really cares. ok...

The day started with all the four of us (Candy, Jon me and Nadz) talking about meeting up before meeting the rest for the trip. I gave the idea of tonning outside but my mom was like "WHAT KIND OF FRIENDS YOU HAVE. ITS 3 EFFING AM IN THE MORNING" and I was totally nonchalant as usual. In the end everyone just decided to meet at KAP instead at 5am. I saw Nadz there first and we were totally excited.

We met the rest in the atrium, which is creepily dark at 7am in the morning. I saw Chuan Seng, whom was familiar then I realized he was Gary's friend. I'm not that kind that goes "hey I saw you before!" so I just looked at him from afar. Apparently he's from Malaysia...I think and he's year2 unlike Gary(totally useless info). I thereby conclude I have somewhat a more sensitive eye to details. Ok I digress.

So we boarded the bus, thinking that it was going to be a fun ride. The bus ride was way too bumpy for me to doodle so I rather sleep. The most irritating part of it was 3 freaking bimbos that were yapping away in the back. So gross. They even sang to the radio. I'm not denying that I do that sometimes but they were way too cringe-worthy to ignore.

The chalets there were okay...it didn't have a good aircon but I never liked aircons anyways. The TV was infested with malay channels, except the cartoon channel which no one bothered to watch. I honestly think we are the only bunk group that bothers to entertain outselves with Malaysian TV LOL. Being the hygiene freak that I am, I was obsessed with making the bunk sand-free, making me look like a housewife. -.-

For the first activity was the trekking. It was really a nice experience coz I never really did any trekking without safe pavements before. As I was busy recording some footage, I slipped. After a long trip, our organizer told us the only way back was the way we came from. I was like WTF. But being in Tioman already, I just wanted to experience everything.

Completely exhausted, the next activity was a lesson in snorkeling. We went to the shallow parts, which only had dead boring coral, but the water was FREAKING cold. I become nauseous when I become cold, but never will I dare to vomit in my own breathing tube eww. We lost nadz for awhile and I was honestly scared for her, I tracked everything person whose head was in the water and not moving. Thankfully we found her.

Oh yea did I tell you Tioman food, or rather the food provided for us, was EPIC-ly awesome? When I mean epic, I mean near-tasteless-disappointing adjective. Dinner was epic as usual, as with all other meals except breakfast, you will be served soup, vegetables and 2 meat dishes respectively. Oh yea, that was not the most retarded thing. They freaking made us scoop noodles with spoons! I'm sorry for being so nitpicky but its so illogical to let people scoop something up that needs a firm grip.

After dinner was freaking ice-breakers. How old are we? I think we are old enough to make friends ourselves. Mr Lee, your ice-breaker = fail. Anyways after that we went back to our bunks completely exhausted. I wanted to sleep BUT (this happens over the next 3 days) the room next to our bunk we had some chinese bimbos spamming heart attack like 1 fucking am in the morning. I know overseas trips you normally don't sleep but after snorkeling in icy water and trekking for like 32456456757km I think its pretty obvious in the social metabolic norm to FUCKING SLEEP. ahem.

Dear dear...I thinking I typed too much. I shall continue tomorrow with day two and subsequently for the rest of the days.

Valentine's Day

2008-02-15T01:14:00.002+08:00

This year's Valentine's Day was one of the worst days in a few months. Perhaps its probably because we started really late.

We took such a long time looking for dinner coz everything that wasn't expensive was packed with couples. Then we found Billy Bombers, that was like, wow no one in the queue. It was quite self-explanatory when one person went up to about $40. Thankfully the queue in Sakae was clearing so we went in there instead. Not only we didn't get good food, we were placed in the losing end of the conveyor, where everything that is too expensive or too pointless to spend money on was left to be chosen. In the end we chose the expensive ones, like duh as if we were going to take the fried crab sticks and Squid sashimi.

Oh yes, I didn't get my bag! I'm angry now.

...but I still enjoyed the day with you guys. Thanks to all of you especially Meihar for the gifts. Just remind me to delete the pictures that has me in it.

FYP slash delete

2008-02-04T21:40:00.000+08:00

ZOMG

I can't believe FYP is officially over~! Ok I also now officially have no idea what to do now. Enjoy? Sounds foreign to me lol, but I'll do my best~!

Now I'm having a major nose allergy again, so my nose is swollen like a bleeding heart. I have now officially defeated the Elite Four like a million times now, training up for my battle with Winston, which I will inevitably lose due to my uber suckage of pokemon. Ok enough about this random posting. I really have no idea why I posted today lol.

So now my schoolwork's done, I'll probably put my 100% in songwriting, which I have like 6+ songs in waiting. Urgh...I'm not musically adequate to do so many songs! That reminds me...I want to go for a jazz improvisation course, anybody can recommend any good schools?

Drunk

2008-01-27T01:48:00.000+08:00

I sit here infront of my desktop with an extremely bloated stomach. Is that how people feel after drinking a lot? No wonder they vomit.

Last night was one of the most craziest nights I ever had. It really is one of those nights which I will remember for the rest of my life. Huiyi, Winston, Ken, Avier, Ziqin, Meihar and Steve went to my house last night. Talk about overcrowding...I felt kinda bad for Ken and Winston dozing off on chairs and on the floor, my room isn't exactly big. After waiting for almost 2 hours for Ziqin, we went to my house, where Steve was already there, which made my father think that I was so cruel to leave him in the house alone for 3 hours. STEVE! Call me before you come my house bb.

After lazing around for an hour or two, Ken and I went to the kitchen to cook some rice for our sushi making session. Me, being an egomaniac, insisted that my way was the best to make sushi. It ended up with a really ugly sushi with too much rice and a pathetic amount of eel LOL. It became better with each time we made though. The salmon was quite bad since it was out for quite some time. Someone please remind me again not to have Ziqin have any form of sharp object.

"Yay I finished cutting the salmon!" *hack and slash*

After the really borderline failing sushi session, we opened up the remaining Absolut Vanilla in my freezer. I can tell you its one of the most disgusting flavors of Absolut I have ever tasted, even the thought of it now makes me want to vomit. UGH. We played King of Fighters and the winners gets to drink. I drank about 5 shots? Winston drank about 7, so did Avier. Well...everyone had a good drink except for Steve, who was anti-alcoholic as usual and Ken, who had some JAE duty the next day.

Winston still gung ho say I cant hold my drink! He, me and Meihar were the most drunk that night, though he was the quietest among the three of us. What happened after my head went heavy, I did not really remember, but I remembered Meihar and me crying, something which I havent done in awhile when I'm drunk. Avier welled up too, probably due to Meihar's emotional rantings and mine. I seriously do not remember a large portion of what I said, I hope none of them took it too seriously lol. We all have problems, I guess what makes all of us different is how we deal with them.

I truly had a blast. Thanks to all you awesome guys for coming to my house to wreck havoc! You guys rock!

What is this?

2008-01-22T23:31:00.000+08:00

Just as when my FYP, my last year in NP and my last year in SCC wasn't enough, I have to deal with another heart-wrenching situation. You know that feeling when someone leaves you? You know that person is still on this earth, but somehow you know things are going to be different. I'm already plagued by my final year and entering NS, which can do shitty things to people's relationships outside NP. That is why I sincerely hate the idea of it. I know it "develops you into a stronger person", but it can do so many fucked up things to your educational course and your emotional ties with people.

Dear Avier,

So many things I wish to say to you but I think you can read my mind enough to know. I don't believe in best friends anymore but maybe I can start to believe in it again. There was this unconditional respect and trust that I had never receive from anyone close. 1 year is definitely too short for any magic to happen...but I happen to have two other friends who have been with me since my secondary school days and I am blessed to have remained in contact with them. I hope...no, I know I can do the same with you. I just really hope you can make more of an effort to be there whenever I need you, coz I'll do the same although I kinda know that you won't ask for it. There's still so many things we haven't done yet and though I'm leaving NP, I know it won't be the same when I return there next time.

I know I always complained about you not responding when I needed advice but recently I finally realized that it was not what you were good at. What you were good at is supporting and listening...which may be what I really need. After knowing so many people who harshly advice me, maybe its time I needed someone who just took in everything.

Although I know life was never easy for you, it can be quite troublesome to rely on me, but please do whenever possible.

Clara

2008-01-20T02:26:00.000+08:00

Today was Clara's celebration at my house as usual. LOL sometimes I wonder if my house is really the best place to meet, seems like it convenient only for me! Anyways, I tried to wake up at 10am but Eileen woke me up instead coz of that awful dream I had of her being extra extra late for the celebration. Shopping for Clara's presents was a pain in the ass coz I was hoping Black Alice had some nice Lolita Bags but it was freaking small. I swear the shop is smaller than my toilet. And my toilet isn't big. A big big big thank you to Nadz who accompanied me all around town to get these stuffs.

This being the second time I've celebrated Clara's birthday, it really got me thinking how 1 year has passed by so easily. Today last year we were celebrating it with just the three of us. Me, Clara and Nazira. God knows where is she now, but I know that somehow we have grown a lot without her. Sometimes Clara would ask me "Do you miss her?" and truthfully I don't know what to say anymore. I do miss her company sometimes, but her being some kind of a judgmental person overwhelms my goodwilled feelings towards her. Yes we do miss her, but we are better off without her.

A few days ago I has the sweetest dream...only to wake up and realize it wasn't real. I still getting over it, bit by bit and honestly now...I need a big push coz I feel like I keep sinking back.

7 Facts

2008-01-12T00:52:00.000+08:00

Seven~

7 Random facts about me:-

1. I bite the insides of my mouth
2. I hate parsley
3. I hate the sound of velcro. It gives me an irritating feeling on the bottom of my chin
4. I can make a robotic gunshot noise with my mouth
5. I love pulling hair strands that have knots
6. I have oily skin (sorry nothing else to type)
7. I used to have a pet poodle

7 things that scare me:-

1. Cockroaches
2. Balloons
3. Ms Lim, my primary 4 teacher
4. Skinny jeans
5. People seeing me without my clothes
6. People starting a war or words with me
7. Body hair

7 Favourite Music Artists at the moment:-
1. Amy Winehouse
2. Joss Stone
3. Lena Park
4. Erykah Badu
5. Lily Allen
6. Clazziquai
7. Corrine Bailey Rae

7 Things I like most:-

1. Yellow & Black
2. Furry Jackets
3. Music
4. Mochi Ice Cream
5. BODY SHOP!!!!!!!!
6. Hoodies
7. Gossip

7 LUCKY people to do this:-

1. Avier
2. Meihar
3. Evon
4. Nadz
5. Steve
6. Ken
7. Mandy

Happy New Year...amongst others things

2008-01-05T17:02:00.000+08:00

A way overdue post! I didn't feel like blogging...felt I've been drained totally of my energy from the SCC concert. Everyday 9-10pm, it does make you too tired to do anything else. But I'm glad it finished...ALTHOUGH I played wrongly during my two songs! I'm actually quite sad I didn't play it well...but at least I didn't majorly screw it over. Well, I'm glad its over and now I can concentrate on my FYP, which unofficially finishes at the end of the month.

New Year...was really...meh. Christmas was much more fun compared to New Year. New Year resolutions never stick with me for long, I usually break them the following week HAHA. I just broke one last night. There are many things I am not ready to leave behind to 2007, so somehow I have to carry it with regret towards 2008. I am very certain 2008 will not be a good year compared to 2007, which was unexpectedly wonderful, one of the best years of my life in every aspect, although it being the last year of my assumed teenagehood. If I could stay back a year, I would, maybe I would but...people move on and grow from these experiences. Staying back, I know, wouldn't be a good idea for me right now.

Yesterday we celebrated Johnny aka Slut aka Mary aka Elizabeth's birthday in Cineleisure. I can't believe so little people went. Well...doesn't matter, quality over quantity I guess? To my absolute surprise, Steve bought me my birthday/christmas present. I was like "STEVE WTF?" You can trust Steve to give me a present on someone else's birthday, so weird. But THANK YOU STEVE. I now have a black and yellow Slapper Bunny! We caught sight of Evon there in her working clothes too! Plus, I saw Suyi too...bleh.

Happy 2008.

Merry Mas

2007-12-23T23:48:00.000+08:00

Woot I finally found the last remaining Yellow Slapper Rabbit from Action City! I used it to slap my mom so much she became extra irritated haha! Christmas this year was not what I expected, it will be however, bittersweet, but fun with family around. Plus, my father liked splurged on huge TV sets overnight. I'm not overly excited but the house definitely is getting a makeover.

Things have been uberly busy this festive season, with FYP and concert stuff to do at the same time. Gawd. FYP has been...well...one volatile situation. I haven't got any right to say much and I better shut my mouth about it. Alright,still.

Onto other things...I have no idea how to wrap things up. The stuff I wrapped look like shit. But as they always say...its the thought that counts right?

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE~

Merry Christmas~

Christmas

2007-12-12T17:15:00.000+08:00

WAHHH no common test but still so busy with other stuff!

The class Christmas exchange party is coming soon and I finally got the guts to buy the things. Its wayyy below the budget but meh who cares? The surprise is priceless! I am so tired after running around buying the stuff for this person. Can't tell who coz I know he reads this blog wahahaha.

Christmas...hmm...it used to be a time when I was so excited about presents and stuff. Never celebrated with my friends, always with family and I don't really want to change that, though it would be okay to celebrate during or after christmas, but there's no point right? lol. I guess people change after experiencing so many repetitive christmas doing the same old thing again and again.

Getting over?

2007-12-08T23:07:00.000+08:00

The past few days have been alright with me...not my best not my worst either. It seems I managed to kill off the yearning already, which is a good thing, no matter how long it takes. I know its good for me and I would definitely wont regret this. Right now I'm at this numb phase where everything seems so half-hearted to me, I hate it. Maybe I need sex...ok no LOL. I cannot believe I just typed that.

Onto other things...Eileen just gave me back my 80 bucks. No wonder I've been short on cash this month. Ok, time to buy that birthday present lol. Yes, I'm spending it on others, how thoughtful of me =\. CHRISTMAS IS COMING. Ok, I exaggerate. I'm not excited about Christmas at all this year. It does nothing for me, the anticipation of presents doesn't excite me, nor does spending it with your loved ones give me a fuzzy feeling inside. I guess I'll be alone this Christmas? Its a waste, yes, but right now maybe that's what I need. I was going to keep that promise of inviting Avier over to dinner coz she desperately wanted to try my mom's cooking. Adobo here we go.