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Saturday, September 13, 2008

Why am I unable to look at someone directly in the eyes? It has been so long ago but I could never forget the look that my parents gave me, that look of disappointment. I figured since then, I just couldn't look at anybody's eyes ever again. I used to think that those rape victims who are scared of men are just overly sensitive, but I've come to believe there is such a thing called trauma. Is my case a case of trauma or am I just so used to it after a long time? I have some sort of feeling that people find me proud coz I don't look at them directly when I'm talking. I tried. I really tried, but it seems like its the hardest thing for me to do.

So if I am able to look at you in the eye and not look away after a few moments...I must love you a lot or I am able to trust you. Maybe I need to see a therapist to cure this...this problem of mine?

These past few days some emotion within me is constantly making me feel uncomfortable, I'm not sure what it is but its irritating the hell out of me. Perhaps I'm too impatient for my pay to come, or that I still cannot get over you. Ever since you appeared, there has never been a day where I feel completely happy, only the moments where you make me happy, which come so rarely. That's why I need to forget you, I need to find a new purpose, a new direction in life that doesn't make me so tormented all the time. Half a year ago I tried, but I failed miserably. A friend used to tell me:

"Don't worry about whether you are going to be together or not. Just enjoy the time you have with each other."

These words stuck to me like glue. And now I enjoy every minute of it, though it may not be a long time. Maybe going to army is a good thing after all. Wait that's bullshit, going to army isn't good at all LOL.

Turns out I don't have enough money to buy the instrument online and I have to wait till Monday to get the rest of the money. This makes me angry at myself for cutting and dyeing my hair so impulsively. DAMMIT. The person replied pretty quickly, thankfully.

I still haven't found a supplier for my T-shirts and I'm seriously getting low on inspiration. Is this doomed for failure? I hope not.

Just Because
1:28 AM

QUACK

http://kur0s4wa.blogspot.com
opened: 25 July 2007 1:15AM


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