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Friday, October 12, 2007

Just when I thought my final holidays were going to be awesome, I did the unexplainable. The Unthinkable. The Unreasonable. The Foolish.

Booze gets up to my head really fast...even faster when I'm in a particularly bad mood. Or rather sad mood. I'm almost never in a bad mood, unless my conscious permits me so. So I drank in the SCC chalet that I went to and proceeded to making a complete fool out of myself like nobody's business. I don't regret it for the most part. But there's one thing, one absolute thing that could almost possibly ruin my whole campus life, as I know it. People who went there probably knew what I did, but they would never imagine how severe it was to me personally. The next morning I woke up, without a hangover, without any sort of pain, but the pain in the persona I forged to create some sort of ridiculous ill-intention bond that I supposedly wanted to have.

I didn't used to be like this.
I didn't used to write emo stuff in my blog. Those who knew my previous blog will know that it wasn't filled with emotional bullshit like this.
I used to be quiet, passive and decent.
I didn't used to force myself to do things for the sake of another person.
I didn't used to be this desperate.

People keep telling me. Open up, it will do you some good. I did and I freakin regret it. Opening up never did me any good.

I don't want to go to school anymore. I don't want to meet with people anymore. I just feel so demoralized. My driving force of going to school and going to SCC has been destroyed. Sometimes I just feel like quitting the whole damn thing and just focus on my studies. I don't think it will recover. Trust me, I would really like to confide in someone. Anyone. But things are not so easy as it looks. The world is so much more fucked up than it looks. Everyone has fucking problems I KNOW, but it doesn't stop us from brooding over it.

It would be some time before I drink infront of others again.

Just Because
3:28 AM

QUACK

http://kur0s4wa.blogspot.com
opened: 25 July 2007 1:15AM


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