Of this tangled mess of strands that I have made up of my life, let Me pick the path that pleases You.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Its going to be my birthday but I dont feel excited. I guess the feeling just fades away after a decade or so. Birthdays arent like it used to be, I remember every birthday celebration I had to end up crying once, and sometimes I dont even know why. Funny. I dont mind having no presents, just that even without the presents the thought doesnt seem to be there. Last year's birthday was sad...really sad. My cousin bought a cake for me, which was ok I was at least happy with that part and I distinctly remembered someone typing in a "Happy Birthday JY" on the screen where we were supposed to pass up our works in the school server. That was sweet...I dont remember who did it though, either Jonny or Nadz. Thank you both anyways for the birthday last year. This year was a whole different thing.

Some people know what issues I have so Im not going to mention them here but I was touched by the thought of everyone. Somehow I needed to owe that day to someone and that would be Charis. She has been a bitch of a friend, we always get to do these ridiculous accents which always crack me up, even though sometimes I was totally frustrated with her, which could add up to at least three times. The cake was good but I didnt have the appetite to eat it with heart [pun intended]. I havent opened the present yet FYI, Im going to do it on Thursday, like duh.

So I finally got my Collector's Edition of FFXII, my long awaited $159 worth of temporary heaven. Im going to play through it with leisurely pace, I just cant skim through it like Kitson or Reuben, Im a slow gamer I know -_- The potion certainly looked nice, but hell I dont want to remember how it tasted like. It was bad but it certainly was good either. It had a sweet taste with a bitter aftertaste, much like pure vitamin C. It isnt fizzy either =( Thank you mama for buying me my temporary heaven!

Its my birthday and I can cry if I want to, which I most probably would. Dunno, maybe it will be different this year...hopefully. I have a feeling this year isnt going to be memorable...but hell I must celebrate it to the fullest, hey Im going to be legal, am I? No more getting drunk in private...though I wont be doing it outside either. I would really wanna flash the stupid ID card in that cashier face for once and blow out a loud guffaw of "ASK SUMMORE ASK SUMMORE" I'll probably have fun with my secondary school mates on Friday, guess it would be at least a tiny bit memorable after all. I seriously need a birthday kiss from that special someone, which I saw today. Just a glance makes my heart break...its been that many months since I confessed though I swore I would be over it, I cant. I just cant. What could've been your first love would hurt you more.

Coming to the topic, I just watched this anime called Bokura Ga Ita...totally sappy anime with complicated relationships and shit about betrayal. It seems like everytime I watch it i would end up crying myself to sleep. IM BECOMING EMO OMG. But seriously, I think im mentally unstable...or maybe I didnt eat enough cheesy marshmallows. Ok second thought, it wasnt the marshmallows. Sometimes you wanna dive in and get submerged in all the relationships and obstacles and sometimes you think you're better off without. Maybe playing games isnt that harmful after all.

A final shoutout to my dearest fangirls, Clara and Nazira. I totally love you both and I hope you can score well in your O lvls! See you after exams with more games to share and that uber sleepover!!! WOHOO~

Its my birthday...I can cry if I want to. =')

Just Because
11:48 PM